Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two Engineering students were walking across campus when one
said,'Where did you get such a great bike? 'The second Engineer
replied, 'Well, I was walking along the road yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take
what you want. ''The second Engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good
choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half empty. To the Engineer, the glass is twice as big as
it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers
build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, 'Why does it work?' The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?' The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with
that?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
Three Engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, 'It was a
Mechanical Engineer.' Just look at all the joints.' Another said,
'No, it was an Electrical Engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections. 'The last one said, 'Actually
it must have been a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix
it.Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An Architect, an Artist and an Engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The Architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for
an enduring relationship. The Artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The
Engineer said, 'I like both.''Both?'Engineer: 'Yeah. If you have a
wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time
with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work
done.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An Engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to
him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess.' He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn
me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week.' The Engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, 'If you
kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want.' Again the Engineer took the frog out, smiled at
it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, 'What
is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that
I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want. Why won't
you kiss me?' The Engineer said, 'Look, I'm an Engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's
cool.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
Why do Engineers read Playboy? For the same reason the rest of us
read National Geographic. To see places they never get to
visit.
Understanding Engineers - Take Ten
A Lawyer, a Theologist and an Engineer met in a Mexican bar and got
drunk together. They woke up and found themselves in a jail. The
Warden came and told them they were to be electrocuted for some
obscene crime they have done while drunk. First up was the Lawyer,
he was placed in an electric chair. The Warden threw the switch and
nothing happened. Feeling that it was the will of God, the Warden
let the Lawyer go. The Lawyer exclaimed that it is the Mexican
justice system that has spared him. Next came the Theologist. Again
the warden threw the switch and nothing happened. Again he was free
to go. The Theologist thanked the Lord and exclaimed that God has
imposed justice on him. When the Engineer was ready for the chair,
he exclaimed to the Warden:' You can never electrocute anyone with
the two live wires unconnected. 'YOU DUMB ASS!''
