Why did the chicken cross the road? We asked a variety of people
about this:
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time
for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First
Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the
road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right
from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about
me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken
crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our
side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for
us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that
chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross
the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and
I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now,
and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need
some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on this
side of the road before it goes after the problem on the
other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of
having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is
a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can
just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of
the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe
there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access
to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because
he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,
hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way
that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've
not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you
people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other
side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat
that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the
other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road.
It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few
moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first
time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case
of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of
crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never
crash.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? Damn.
