1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17
inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual
favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you
think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc”
them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with
prophesy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking
noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it
up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to
see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t
rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological
profiles.”
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Daily Jokes
