In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was
now living in the United States, and said: "Once again, the earth
has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all
flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living
thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints saying: "You have 6
months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for
40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to
start the rain, where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord" begged Noah, "but things have
changed. I needed a building permit & I've been arguing with
the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system on the ark. My
neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and exceeding theheight limitations. We
had to go to the Development Appeals Board for a
decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to
the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they
would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued
me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against the! ir
will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire
for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to
work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the
world?"
"No," said the Lord: "the government beat me to
it."