I once knew a woman who
offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her.
I think men talk to women so
they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk
to them.
Having sex is like playing
bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a
good hand.
A chicken and an egg are lying
in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied
smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put
out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we
answered that question."
When a man talks dirty to a
woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a
man, it's $3.95 a minute.
Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
If you made a list of the
reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons
for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of
overlapping.
Valentine's Day is when a
lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really
is.
Three rings of marriage are
the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the
suffering.
My wife says I never listen
to her. At least I think that's what she said.
The chief reason why
marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the
partners are insane.
Mother-in-law: a woman
who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece
of hers.
Mistress: something
between a mister and a mattress.
Wedding rings: the
world's smallest handcuffs.
Marriage is not a word - it
is a sentence.
When a man steals your wife,
there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Before marriage, a girl has
to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to
hold him to make love to him.
In the early years, you
fight because you don't understand each other. In the later
years, you fight because you do.
A wedding is just like a
funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
Why do married men gain
weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the
refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married
guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the
refrigerator.
"I am" is reportedly the
shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that
"I do" is the longest sentence?
Men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and
bought jewelry.
Marriage is like a phone
call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake
up.
When a man opens the car
door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
