Two ship
captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit
when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me,
though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first
few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting
pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder
any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship.
I don't know what to do!"
The other
captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the
book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you
buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew
that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of
gold."
"Well
that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag
of gold every trip!"
"Not so,"
replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all
the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into
candles. You make a tidy profit every time."
The captain
pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and
divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea.
Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling
barrel after barrel.
When they
finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge
profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be
able to buy a new boat!'
This went
on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to
that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was
surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the
cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of
this?!"
"You sick
bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to
the candle factory last time you passed through town?"
"Sure,"
said the captain. "What about 'em?!"
"Well, they
made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the
nuns are pregnant!"
