There was an old married couple that had happily lived together
for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was
caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning
as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell
would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for
air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one
in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged
him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the
husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural
bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to
wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was
nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day
going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast. She fixed pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy
and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's
innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve
her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed
the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours
before her flatulent husband would awake.
While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and
then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then
placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled
them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish
preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal
loud-ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the
upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes
began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years
of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
blood stained underpants, with a look of horror in his eyes. She
bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the
matter. He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you
warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out
one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace
of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back
in."<!--QuoteEnd-->
