During the Great Depression, there
was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the
bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round
of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the
Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The
bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all
that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler,"
replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are
fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my
right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you
screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars
that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not
blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So,
the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle
of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the
man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part
of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many
hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar.
Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last
chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this
bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf
behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even
stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he
said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing
all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not
a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal,
you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet
each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I
could piss all over you and the bar and still make you
laugh!"