Mod's note: Please comply with the existing rules
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1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed
frames
by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress
tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase
"goodnight
& sleep tight."
2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago
that
for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would
supply
his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is
a
honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based;
this
period was called the honey month or what was known today
as
the honeymoon.
3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So
in
old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender
would
yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle
down.
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and
Q's."
4. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a
whistle
baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When
they
needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some
service.
"Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this
practice.
5. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless
you
had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal
Family).
When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of
the
King; the King gave them a placard that they hung on
their
door while they were having sex. The placard had
F.U.C.K.
(Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you
know
where that came from.
6. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was
entitled
Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word
GOLF
entered into the English language.
------------------------
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would
sit
down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would
start
to say something, his wife would say, "... And what's
that
supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
----------------------------
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son
stop
urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from
time
to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
---------------------------
Did you know that many non-living things have a
gender?
1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold
everything
in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off,
it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an
effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but
can
wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-
inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere,
you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's
the
hot air component.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable
and
retain water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit
on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to
pick
people up.
8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can
shift
to the bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the
last
5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be
male.
But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be
lost
without it, and while he doesn't always know the right
buttons
to push, he keeps trying.
----------------------------------------------
Mouth, noun.
In man, the gateway to the soul; In woman, the outlet of the
heart.
-------------------------------------------------
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night
----------------------------------------------------
Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian
water?
Just spell "Evian" backwards!
-----------------------------------------------------------
New Home Cloning Kit Instructions:
Go fark yourself.
----------------------------------
Mod's note: Please comply with the existing rules
and consolidate all your jokes for the day in a
thread.