There were two old geezers living in the backwoods. Their names
were Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river,
and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down
to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other.
"RUFUS!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank your lucky stars
that I can't swim . . . or I'd swim this river and whup your
butt!!"
"CLARENCE!!" Rufus would holler back, "You better thank YOUR lucky
stars that I can't swim . . . or I'd swim this river and whup your
skinny butt!!!"
This went on every morning. Every day. Twenty years.
One day the Army Corps of Engineers came and built a bridge. Still,
every morning every day for another five years the shouting and
feuding across the river continued. Finally, Rufus wife has had
enough.
"Rufus!" she yells, one day. "I can't take no more!! Every day for
25 years, you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence. Well, there's
the bridge...have at it!"
Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another
moment. "Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place.
"I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank,
came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about
halfway, looked up....TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE
HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS, GRABBED THE SHOTGUN
AND DIVED, PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!!!
"Rufus!" cried the misses. "I thought you was gonna whup Clarence's
butt!!!"
"I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered.
"Rufus!" cried the missus. "What in tarnation is the matter?"
"Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, "I went to the
bridge...I stepped up on the bridge...walked halfway over the
bridge...looked up..."
"And?" she asked, breathless with suspense.
"And," continued Rufus, "I saw a sign that said, "Clearance, 13
feet, 6 inches" He ain't never looked THAT big from the other side
of the river!!!!!"
