These are actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only
time I
have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ...You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would
be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn
upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds
with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm
taking
this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only." (as
opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)
