tory 1
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to
knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist)
only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to
show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car
to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored
the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!"
screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing
mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the
captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water
to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They
jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he
came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who
jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply
base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day
one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear
sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah
dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many
for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and
wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien
means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the
DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally
after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they
were actually asking for the song "Unchained
Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and
wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to
number 2. It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no
idea what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they
finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know
one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero
mah..."