These are like the infamous Darwim awards, but relate to legal
issues.
The Stella Jury Awards
It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella
Awards." The "Stella Awards" are named after 81 year-old Stella
Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and
successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the "Stella
Awards" for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in
the United States.
Here are this year's winners:
7th Place:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury
of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
was running around inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
6th Place:
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel
of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's
hubcaps.
5th Place:
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he
had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The
family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found,
and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's
fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt
the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr.
Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor
because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in
the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was
awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
And in 1st Place: (Drum roll please....)
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football
game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control
at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back
& make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for
not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually
do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The
company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
just in case there were any other complete morons around.
