61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you
hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their
parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells"
until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to
it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it
up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie
parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern
drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious
that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers
brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr.
Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a
parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of
day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of
being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and
demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to
see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster
speed is necessary because of your "superior mental
processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant
"swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary
friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't
rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic
picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with
it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.