A seventy-five-year old year old man went to his doctor to get a
sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar
home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
seventy-five-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as he had received
it on the previous day.
"Where's the sample?" said the Doctor. "Well, doctor, it's like
this," the man explained. "First I tried with my right hand, but
that didn't work. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
hand, then her left, still no joy. She even tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing."
"I see.." said the Doctor dubiously. "Then what did you do?" "Well,
I asked my sixteen year old neice to lend a hand, but she failed
too, even when she took it between her legs and squeezed it really
hard." "Her legs!" exclained the doctor, appalled.
"So I went next door to Eileen, and she tried too, first with both
hands, then both armpits in turn and she even tried rolling it
between her knees, but still nothing. "You asked your neighbour?"
cried the shocked doctor. "The old man replied, "Yes, but no matter
what we tried we still couldn't get the fucking jar open!"
