Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death?
So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks
them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I
got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in
the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find
anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked
was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in!
So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but
he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his
fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in
agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some
bushes! So I dragged the refrigerator from the kitchen (it weighed
about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the
edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so
horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and
shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment
building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and
was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I
lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about
two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear
life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running
onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and
down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really
irate.
When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he
came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell,
and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't
believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last
thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the
building down on top of me and crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."
