Series of Jokes

last SG · 2006-10-16T17:42:27+00:00

thanks for the jokes. hilarious.

bluejuice SG

Marriage

A young lad was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

Surprised, the cousin asked, "How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up. Like the preacher said, 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'."

bluejuice SG

Out Of The Ribs

At a Sunday school, the teacher taught how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny, a child in kindergarten class, seemed especially intrigued when they told him how Eve was created out of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

He responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."

bluejuice SG

1) Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exam?
A: Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.

2) The president of a large corporation opened his directors' meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'."

3) When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

4) A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

5) Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

bluejuice SG

Typing mistakes can be serious

1. A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

2. A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."

3. A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said, "put getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said ' Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom. When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It read : "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"

shinta SG

what's a mini?

bluejuice SG

Marketing Strategies:

Professor at the Management Institute was explaining marketing concepts:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.
-------------

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say

"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.
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You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,

"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.
---------------

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says,

> "You are very rich.." Will you marry me?

That's Brand Recognition.
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband

That's demand and supply gap.
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------

she is your wife !
- That's competition eating into your market share

used SG

mini cooper??

bluejuice SG

ed walked into a bar from his pocket took out a man 12 inch tall a mini piano and placed them on the bar counter... and ordered a beer... as he sipped his beer... the man played wonderfull classical music on the piano....

suprised the bartender asked him where he found this guy... ed answer.. there is a genie in a lamp he found along the road just outside the bar.... imediately the bartender rushed out to look for the lamp...

15 minutes later.. he walked in with a million ducks following him... and said..."i asked for a million bucks and i got a million ducks..." ed replied... "y wud i wish for a 12 inch pianist...."

used SG

damn farnie Laughing

dinky1409 SG

Omg.. power damn funny omg omg... Laughing

UncleFishballz SG

EH? I don’t get it .

bluejuice SG

which one did you not get it?

shinta SG

obviously the genie is hard of hearing...

so instead of a dick, the man got a 12 inch pianist

Laughing

LinLing SG

He asked for a 12 inch penis, right? And in the end, he got a 12 inch pianist.

Wink Lols! Mr. Green

trendz SG

Laughing

tut4nkh4m3n SG

mr. bean's car?

tut4nkh4m3n SG

THE best HAHAAHAHAHA

dinky1409 SG

Haha its ok.. I told my friend and she thought the punch line was the million ducks.. Say the ducks part is funny, but actually the punch line was the last line.. Haha ownage.. Great joke..

bluejuice SG

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got heart attack.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in the cage but laughing at you.

When your life is in darkness pray to God
Ask him to free you from darkness and if after you pray
And you're still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

bluejuice SG

Possible remedy for flu

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

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