Bank Robbery
Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to rob a bank together.
The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan
with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops
the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you
understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three
minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Robin.
Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got
a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the
time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors
burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's
pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing
his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such
a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie
up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
_________________
The Wild West
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and
Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local
saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under
his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week
they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my
children."
He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll
give him one thousand dollars." The two blondes looked at each
other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They
were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff
threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian
fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled
out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you
should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars
in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine
were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said,
"Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!"
_____________________
Blondes On Everest
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope
suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were
blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If
that didn't happen, the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would
sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.
________________________
The Young Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain
at a bar in a small town.
He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big
blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK
jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde
jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What
do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a
human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full
potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at
large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde
pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little
f*cker on your knee!"
___________________
Interview For Job
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview . The
interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you
tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her
fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 23!".
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the
ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady
stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then
traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her
head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot
three!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real
basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name
please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before
replying "Stephanie".
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks
"Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on
your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your
height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your
name?"
"Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"
