FHM, Maxim jokes

Gordonator SG

Ok, this thread is dedicted to funny jokes that appears in FHM and Maxim every month, for those who buys the magazines, feel free to share the jokes here. Very Happy

Gordonator SG

i'll start the ball rolling. Laughing

Too many questions

After 50 years of happy marriage to Lena, Ole becomes very ill and realizes that he will soon die.

In bed one night, Ole turns to his wife. Lena, he asks. When I am gone, do you think you will marry another man?

Lena gave it some thought. Well, yes, she said. Marriage has been good to me and I think that I surely will marry again.

Ole was taken aback. Why Lena, he cried, Will you bring your new husband into our house?

This is a fine house, said Lena, Yes, I think we will live here.

But Lena, Ole gasped, Will you bring your new husband into our bed?

Lena said Ole, you made this bed, a good strong bed. Yes! Sure I will bring my new husband into this bed.

Ole gulped. But Lena, he said in a quite voice, ...You won't ah let your new husband use my golf clubs, will you?

Lena smiled at her husband. Oh, Ole! she grinned, misty-eyed. Of course he won't use your golf clubs! He is left-handed.

fudgester SG

Dunno leh… many jokes from Maxim and FHM are M18 or R21…. you’re ok with them being posted here?

Gordonator SG

as long as they are not too absurd, it's ok. anway i believe jokes featured in Singapore FHM and Maxim should be acceptable. if not, there's still us mods here to do the editing. Laughing

Gordonator SG

Two elderly couples are enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men turns to the other.

Arthur, Ive been meaning to ask you, says the pensioner. Hows your course at the memory clinic going?

Outstanding, replies Arthur. They teach us all the latest psychological techniques: visualisation, association and so on. Its made a huge difference for me.

Thats great, says his mate. What was the name of the clinic again?

Arthur goes blank, then wrinkles his brow. Wait there, I can do this. He closes his eyes, frowns deeply and his lips move as he thinks to himself.

What do you call that flower with the red petals and thorns? he says, finally.

You mean a rose, says his friend.

Yes, thats it! say Arthur, and turns to his wife, asking, Rose, what was the name of that clinic again?

Gordonator SG

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says,

I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say one, two, three and youll get the largest erection youve ever had. After your wifes been satisfied, simply say one, two, three, four and it will disappear for 12 months.

Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, Watch this! One, two, three! His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.

His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, Thats great! But what did you say one, two, three for?