Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed
and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly
man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the
hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to
die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back
immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only
return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." Tom thought
about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too
tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running
around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a
hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a
chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear
end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be
the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like
being a hen?" "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about
to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the
ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?"
Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom
clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop'
an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!"
So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there
was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he
heard his wife shout: "Tom, Wake up! You're Shi.tting all over the
bed!"
