Jokes of the day

Shigemichi Take SG

Women Insensitive? Never!

Dave returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Doreen that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Dave went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Doreen agreed and again they made love. Later, Dave was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Doreen's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Dave, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Dave, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."

Subject: Fw: Pain Transfer...

A married couple went to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the postman was dead on the porch

Shigemichi Take SG

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss, each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. " I almost got caught yesterday!"

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. What a peaceful & loving couple. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'."
"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was shouting. She looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.
"And we lived happily ever after."

Irish Cock Fight ...........

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse.
He had a c0ck rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the c0ck rooster went missing, and because the priest had heard that c0ck fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a c0ck?" All the men stood up. "No, No, " he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a c0ck?" All the women stood up. "No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a c0ck that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY c0ck?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Shigemichi Take SG

Comments, plse

StarPuppy SG

Laughing

tut4nkh4m3n SG

yeah...

kalangkabo SG

Laughing
heard before; but still funny...

Shigemichi Take SG

Thank you Laughing

BlUe [email protected]|eLd SG

nice jokes... stir some laughter in my office!!! Gd effort!!! Mr. Green

Shigemichi Take SG

I'm glad i did Laughing