This brings us to the psychologically
dangerous decision to
identify oneself as a different species of man:
“I am a
homosexual.” As if the essence of that
existence were different from that of
heterosexuals. It
may give a sense of relief after a period of struggle and worry,
but at the same time it is defeatist. The
self-identified homosexual takes on the role of a definitive
outsider. It is, in fact, a tragic role. Quite
different from a sober and realistic self-appraisal: I have these
fantasies and feelings, still I resist taking on the role and
identity of “homosexual.”
That role brings certain rewards, to be
sure. It makes one
feel at home among fellow homosexuals. It temporarily takes away
the tension of having to fight homosexual impulses, and yields the
emotional gratifications of feeling unique and tragic — however
unconscious that may be — and, of course, of having sexual
adventures. Recalling her discovery of the
lesbian subculture, an ex-lesbian writes about the “sense of
belonging” it gave her: “As though I had come home. I had found my
true peer group [recall
the homosexual's childhood drama of feeling the
outsider]. Looking back now, I see
how needy we all were — a group
of misfits who had finally found a niche in life.” (Howard 1991,
117)
The coin has another side, however. Real happiness, let alone inner
peace, is never found that way. Restlessness will increase, as will the feeling of an
inner void. Conscience will send out its disqueiting and persistent
signals. For it is a false
“self” the unhappy person has identified
with. The door to the homosexual “way of life”
has opened. Initially, it is a seducing dream; in time
it turns out to be a terrible illusion. “Being
a homosexual” means leading an unreal life, even farther away from
one’s real person.
“Self-labelling” is greatly stimulated by the propaganda that
repeats that many people simply “are” homosexual. But homosexual
interests are often, perhaps usually, not constant. There are highs
and lows; periods when the person has more or less heterosexual
feelings may alternate with fits of
homosexuality. Certainly, many youngsters and young adults
who did not cultivate the self-image of “being homosexual” have
thereby prevented themselves from developing a full-fledged
homosexual orientation. Self-labeling, on the
other hand, reinforces the homosexual side, especially when it is
only in its beginnings, and starves the heterosexual
component. It is important to recognize that about half of
homosexual men can be regarded as bisexuals and the proportion
among women is even larger.
GERARD J.M. VAN DEN AARDWEG, PH.D.
The Battle for Normality (1997) Ignatius Press: San
Francisco
http://unhappygay.wordpress.com/the-role-of-self-labeling/