Not my own list but taken from
here...
1) As long as the world turns, users will still have problems
2) Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks
called users. This isn't by chance
3) When in doubt. Reboot
4) Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words
"backslash" or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven't
yet, just wait, you will
5) Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good
morning.
6) No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a
call
7) "I didn't do anything" or "It just happened" Are the users
mantra
8 ) As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and
get the truth
9) This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue
is just a perk
10) Some people will never learn
11) This means you will always have a job
12) Maintain a calm voice, even if you're screaming on the
inside
13) The hold button is your friend
14) Whatever you do, don't panic
15) The answer to all users questions should be "Trust me, I know
what I'm doing" even if this is a bald-faced lie
16) Users can smell fear. Once you've lost control, all is
lost
17) A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is
trying "their own thing" is not worth your time. Simulate a
telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you're better
off.
1
Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring
out why it was broken
19) Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you're not sure
just lie. They won't know anyway. "A stray electron passed through
the processor and caused..."
20) If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present
===
Under it's comments section straight after the list... there was
one who commented:
4:19 PM
Anonymous said...
True Story: I told a customer the "mouse server" is
down.
I had to put the phone on mute while I laughed when they said "ohh
okay".
