Ten gadgets to get you sacked
By Tech Digest
26th July 2006 10:08 GMT
Tech Digest It's hot, your boss is evil, you never got that
promised pay-rise. It's hot, your colleagues hate you, and you're
fed up with sardine-like commuting. Oh, and did I mention it's
really hot? What better time then to jack in your job to spend more
time with your sofa, beer-fridge and television? But if you're
going to go, do it with a bang rather than a whimper, and get your
ass sacked. We've rounded up ten gadgets that should do the
job...
1. Office Prankster calculator
Do any modern offices still use calculators? I thought people had
RSS-mathematics-reader technology for that kind of thing nowadays.
Or Wi-Fi abacuses. Anyway, your boss is bound to get narked if you
get this gadget - it consists of a remote receiver which you hide
on their desk, and a transmitter disguised as, yes, a
calculator.
Simply place the remote receiver somewhere discreet- shall we say,
at the back of the new guys monitor? (Make sure it is in direct
sight of the transmitter though, the units use infra-red light to
communicate, like your TV remote)
Using your remote transmitter -cunningly disguised as a calculator-
you select a sound effect carefully calculated to cause maximum
annoyance, and press the appropriate button!
Choose from Wolf whistle, A buzzing fly, Computer Modem, Burp,
Orgasm, or the classic Fart
Or if that delicate little selection doesnt take your fancy, you
can even record your own!
Guaranteed to get your work colleagues sniggering, but dont blame
us if you get a black eye if your target doesnt see the funny
side!
Remote transmitter and receiver
6 Pre-recorded sounds
Record your own sound
Infra-red remote control
Range 20 ft (7m) approx
Requires 3x AAA batteries (Included)
Calculator acts as remote control only, does not have calculating
function 
2. Beer machine
Think making own brew beer is difficult, expensive, time consuming?
Wrong. With the new Beer Machine you can brew 28 pints in just 10
days, and couldn't be easier to use. A beer mix and yeast are
included just add water. Perhaps best of all, the cost per pint
of brewing with the Beer Machine is around 50p; sure to put the pub
and your local offie to shame.
To get started, simply pour water into the Beer Machine's airtight
cask, add the beer mixture and yeast provided, seal the cask and
wait. It really is that simple! See our diagram below for more
details of how this miracle micro-brewery works:
Because the Beer Machine is small enough to fit in the fridge
(despite the amount it can hold), you don't have to piddle about
decanting your booze into bottles. Simply pour it straight from the
built-in tap as if pulling a pint. However, if you haven't got the
space in your fridge, the Machine does come with six bottles; with
the tap system you won't spill have your beer when transferring
it.
There is one other unpleasant aspect to traditional home brewing
the smell. If you've ever wondered what someone stewing their socks
in cabbage water smells like, just ask anyone who's made home brew
the old fashioned way. However, the Beer Machine features a
revolutionary airtight wrap-around' system, meaning there's no
nasty stench to knock the budgie off its perch.
Next time you're planning a party or a big night in with the boys,
don't bother buying in the cans just switch on your Beer
Machine.
3. Backwards clock
If your boss is a stickler for time, you could easily get sacked by
turning up a couple of minutes late and blaming a freak
dog-buttering incident. Or you could do it more imaginatively, by
swapping their office clock for this mirror-image model, which
ticks backwards. Just to mess with their heads, like. If they get
really confused, they'll let the office go home early. Or just you
(and never let you come back). £9.99 from I Want One Of
Those.
All those years of learning about the little hand and the big hand
are suddenly out of the window, and you find yourself incapable of
telling the time at speed. Makes the act of checking the time less
mundane and more insane, and of course also gives you the perfect
excuse for being late.
Features
Black and white quartz wall clock.
The numbers on the clock are in the directly opposite spot to where
you would imagine.
The hour, minute and second hands move in an anticlockwise
direction.
The black outer frame is made of plastic and the clocks face is
made of glass.
Requires 1 x AA Battery (not included).
Size 29 x 29 x 3cm.
