Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the
workplace...
If you dont know what it is, call it an issue
If you dont know how it works, call it a process
If you dont know whether its worth doing, call it an
option
If you dont know how it could possibly be done call it a
challenge or an exciting opportunity
If you want to confuse people, ask them about customers
If you dont know how to do something, empower someone else to do
it for you
If you cant take decisions, create space for others to
operate
If you need a decision, call a workshop to network and
ground
the issue, followed by an awayday to position the elephant in
the room and achieve buy-in
Never criticize or boast, call it information sharing
Never call something a failure or mistake, its a positive learning
experience
Never argue, have an adult conversation
Here are some helpful ways to get along at the workplace...
If you cant get your work done in the first 24 hours, work
nights
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in
the butt
Dont be irreplaceable, if you cant be replaced, you cant be
promoted
It doesnt matter what you do, it only matters what you say youve
done and what youre going to do
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
month than you did before
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to
get
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and wear a lab
coat
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves
If at first you dont succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a
damn fool about it
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car
when the boss asks for a ride home from the office
Keep your bosss boss off your bosss back
Everything can be filed under pending.
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail
hour
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isnt the work he/she
is supposed to be doing
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are
really good, you will get out of it
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldnt
If it wasnt for the last minute, nothing would get done
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying
When you dont know what to do, walk fast and look worried
Following the rules will not get the job done
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the
rules
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily
by reducing it to the question, How would the Lone Ranger handle
this?
No matter how much you do, you never do enough
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
everything that goes wrong