When his Primary 2 son told him he had
forgotten to take a robotics coursebook to an enrichment class, Mr
Alvyn Lim gave up part of his lunch break to deliver the book to
the boy at his student care centre.
"He told me that he couldn't continue with the lesson
if he didn't have the book, and my workplace in Alexandra was quite
close by," said Mr Lim, 36, whose son studies at Radin Mas Primary
School.
But if the same thing happened during school hours, Mr
Lim, a senior manager, will no longer be allowed to drop the book
off at school.
In recent years, at least nine other schools, like
Radin Mas, have blown the whistle against this example of classic
"helicopter parenting" - parents who hover unnecessarily over their
children at the expense of nurturing their child's
independence.
The New Paper reported in March that Kuo Chuan
Presbyterian Primary School had put up signs urging parents to
"turn around and leave" if they were delivering forgotten items to
their children.
The Straits Times found that others, like Rosyth
School, Bukit Timah Primary, Coral Primary and CHIJ Primary (Toa
Payoh), have also done the same.
In a letter to parents in March last year, Bukit Timah
Primary said that in a single term, it had more than 60 requests
from parents to pass forgotten items like homework or money to
pupils. It told parents that it will no longer interrupt classes to
hand over items to children.
"We believe that children can be taught to be
responsible for their belongings and their actions," said the
school.
Likewise, CHIJ Primary (Toa Payoh) principal, Mrs
Margaret Tan, told parents in February last year that the school
has seen a spike in such incidents, and urged parents to teach
their children to resolve the problem independently.
"If the (pupil) has forgotten to bring the item to
school, we ask that the (pupil) has the courage to inform the
teacher. She will be showing traits of integrity when she owns up
to the oversight," said Mrs Tan in the letter.
The Ministry of Education (MOE) appears to be making a
similar push to weed out such excessive parenting practices.
Earlier this month, it put up a Facebook post highlighting examples
of helicopter parenting, such as debating with a teacher to get one
more mark, or taking homework to school for a child when he forgets
to take it along with him.
"You want to help," wrote MOE in the post that has
since amassed more than 2,000 shares. "But do you know that
(helicopter parenting) may hinder your child from being
independent, savvy and street-smart?"
There is no specific MOE directive on the issue of
delivering items to children, but an MOE spokesman said schools are
free to decide how to work with parents to support students'
holistic development.
An example of what the MOE has done to encourage
independence in students is the move to make daily cleaning
compulsory in all schools here since the end of last year.
In most cases, schools which have imposed guidelines
against delivery of forgotten items make exceptions for
necessities. Coral and Radin Mas Primary, for instance, said they
allow the delivery of essential items like medicine or
spectacles.
Schools may also provide resources for pupils who need
them.
Bukit Timah Primary, for example, said the school can
lend pupils money for recess or lunch, while Rosyth School's
general office has school uniforms for borrowing.
Psychologist and parenting coach Anita Shankar said the
move by schools to discourage helicopter parenting was a "timely
and important" change.
As for Mr Lim, he accepts the guidelines, saying he
does not think that they are excessive. "I may be guilty of being a
helicopter parent at times, but it has dawned on me that it's
important to teach my son that he has to bear the consequences if
he forgets to take an item to school."
TNP