Hello people, I'm a new user, taking my O Level English paper in
8 days' time. I
hope that you people can give my useful suggestions as to how to
improve on my compo. It will be good if you can provide me
with:
1. Replacement of vocabulary words to more impressive ones
2. Corrections for my tenses
3. Corrections for my sentence structure (if any)
4. Ideas on how to make my plot more interesting
5. A score, out of 30.
Thanks! 
Title: Write
about an occasion when an attempt to help led to unexpected
consequences for the helper.
I never knew that helping someone could cause so much trouble.
Since young, my parents had been stressing the need to help others
so much that I sometimes wonder if I was born to help. Of course,
they had been setting good examples for me as well. Whenever there
was a charity that requires large amount of money to help the
disabled, or simply our neighbour who needed someone to look after
his pet while he was overseas, my parents would be the first on the
list offering to help. Their influences on me impacted me so much
that I was sometimes called 'the nosy one' in school, for I had
offered my help to every single event. This time round, as usual, I
offered my help. Never did I knew that that would mean a big
trouble for myself.
It was the first day of my summer vacation. I was feeling rather
excited as I was on my way to meet my friends, planning to chill
out at the beach. While walking to the nearest bus stop from my
home, I noticed a boy, probably five years my junior, looking lost
on the streets.
"Could he have lost his way?" I thought to myself, wondering if I
could help.
After glancing at my watch, I realised I was quite early. I should
be able to arrive on time even if I helped the little boy. With
that, I walked towards him, approaching him with the confidence
that I could help.
"Excuse me, I noticed that you look kind of lost. Can I be of help
in any ways?" I approached him with a smile on my face.
"Oh, I... I need to deliver this to my friend. However, I have
something else to see to," there was a tinge of uncertainty and
fear in his speech. Nevertheless, I offered to help him to deliver
the large parcel he was holding since the trip would not take
long.
I took a bus to the place stated in the address he had given me.
Within a few stops, I arrived. I went around asking for directions
to the "Dark Alley House". After a few attempts, I reached my
destination.
It was a large warehouse. As I walked further into the gloomy
place, three men, smelling of cigarettes and beer, approached
me.
"Are you here to deliver something?" one of them asked, in an
intimidating tone.
"Yes, if I am not wrong, your friend was supposed to deliver this
parcel package to you. However, he had something else to attend
to," I answered him, stating the only truth that was known to
me.
"My friend, huh?" he replied, leading to an outburst of laughter
among the trio. "Alright, come on in. Follow us closely."
They led me deeper into the warehouse. I realised that the
'warehouse' was actually a gambling den. The whole area was crowded
with people. Some were smoking, while the others were taking drugs.
that observation led to to wonder what could the parcel package
contain. As soon as I figured it out, it was too late to
flee.
The police alarm sounded off. I could see everyone panicking,
trying to escape through the back door. however, those were futile
attempts. The police had cordoned that whole area. Policemen
stationed at both the front door and the back door. No one could
escape. Soon, everyone, including myself, was caught and taken to
the police station for further interrogation.
I told the police everything that I knew. At that point of time,
the only wish I wanted to come true was that the police could
believe me. They seemed to be convinced by my plight. Similar to
what I had expected, that parcel package was indeed drugs. I knew I
was in hot soup. The boy whom I helped was nowhere to be found.
There was no witness to help me. This was a hopeless situation. I
was later arrested and put into the boys' home for 6 months.
Now, I was finally released from the boys' home. I could sense that
my future is bleak. Surely not many would accept an ex-convict into
the society. I regretted my actions. I had only myself to blame for
landing myself in such a situation. I always thought that being
helpful was good. However, this time round, it was just nosiness on
my part.