Are you
listening?
Listening is not
the same
as hearing. It is a
skill that
includes asking
questions.
POOR listening habits are often the
cause of communication breakdowns, mainly because many people do
not think of listening as a communication skill. But it is. The
first thing to realise about listening is that is it not the same
as hearing, and it is not waiting for your turn to speak.
Hearing
Hearing involves only your ears, and
you do it automatically. Sound hits the eardrum and resolves itself
into words or musical notes you recognise. Since there are sounds
all around you constantly, you have learnt to filter out those you
do not want to hear – such as traffic in the street or the people
at the next table in a restaurant.
Listening
Listening, on the other hand, is a
conscious act. To be an effective communicator, you must decide to
listen each time you enter an important business discussion. The
act of deciding to listen switches off the filter so that you can
concentrate on what the other person is saying.
Three reasons why
listening is
important
1 Listening keeps
you informed.
People who complain that nobody ever
tells them anything should consider their listening habits. If you
feel you are always the last to know, or you are out of the loop,
perhaps you are simply not listening.
2 Listening keeps
you out of trouble.
Many people spend most of their
working time taking and acting on instructions. Serious
consequences can arise when instructions are misinterpreted, often
because the person being instructed did not listen effectively.
3 Good listeners
are valued.
Have you ever had the experience of
someone paying close, respectful attention as you spoke – hanging
on to your every word? Did it not make you feel special and valued,
as if your opinion mattered? People want to feel that way, whether
they are in position of authority or not. So they appreciate those
who truly listen to them.
Knowledge is power, and often the best way to get it is simply to
listen.
The art of
questioning
People are often surprised when I
point out that asking questions is actually a listening skill. If I
am asking a question, am I not talking, rather than listening?
Well, you are actually talking for the purposes of listening.
There
are two types of question you use as part of the listening process:
closed-ended and open-ended. A closed-ended question can be
answered with “yes” or “no”, or with another single word.
A
one-word answer, however, is not enough for an open-ended question;
it needs some words of explanation. A lively listener knows how to
make use of both types of questions to elicit information and guide
a discussion.
This
is how you can do it:
Closed-ended
questions
Ask closed-ended questions when you
want confirmation:
Have you received the third-quarter
sales figures yet?
(Answer: “yes”
or “no”)
Who is responsible for compiling the
monthly sales report?
(Answer:
“Jonathan”)
How many people will be attending
the strategy meeting?
(Answer:
“six”)
These one-word
answers give you all the information you need.
Open-ended questions
Consider, on the other hand, the
following open-ended questions:
We have agreed we have a major
problem competing with the established brand in our marketplace.
How can we make people notice our house brands?
You have told us how well the new
purchasing model is working in the eastern division. How do you see
it working in the other regions?
These questions
call for more details, serving to expand the discussion.
Make a point of
using the right mix of questions to confirm facts and obtain
information, and you will automatically become a better
listener.
Avoid selective
listening
Are you guilty of listening to only
what you want to hear?
Imagine if you had just finished a job interview, and the
interviewer said, “You seem well qualified for the job, and I like
your attitude. I will get back to you when I have interviewed the
other 10 candidates.”
And
let us say you were surprised when you did not get the job. Why?
Because you listened only to what you wanted to hear, and
conveniently ignored mention of the stiff competition.
In
business, as in life, you cannot afford to practise selective
listening. The fact that you ignore the bad news does not make it
go away. In fact, things might well become worse if you act on just
one part of a complex message.
One
reason you listen selectively is because you do not listen to the
end of what the other person is saying. Someone says half a
sentence, and you immediately leap to the end, assuming you know
what he is about to say, and so you do not listen to the rest. Has
anyone ever done this when you were speaking? If so, then you know
how annoying it is.
A
common cause of selective listening is personal bias against the
speaker. It is tempting to discount the opinions of people you
simply do not like. If you feel yourself mentally switching off
when a certain person begins to speak, you are guilty of selective
listening. Remember, the information may be valid and useful, even
if the person delivering it is never going to be your best friend.
So listen up.
Article contributed by
Helen Wilkie, a professional speaker, consultant and author who
specialises in workplace communication. Visit www.mhwcom.com for
details.