The Rumour Mill is minding its own business in a graveyard at
dawn, attempting to roast its frozen chestnuts on a puny brazier
when who should turn up but Blackburn Rovers' El Hadji
Diouf muttering something about weather. "Ha! Ha!" he
says. "'Tis ever and so nuncle, with the Black Monks. Scream did
he, scream and gurgle as they skewered his cat flap for want of a
farthing? Oh! Poor Diouf's cold! Pity poor Diouf, for his nose is
frozen, and he does shiver." Apparently, it's taters out and the
cold snap has badly affected his form.
Real Madrid are hoping to
capitalise on Mrs Vidic's similar contempt for the
Lancashire climate by making a £20m summer bid for her husband,
Nemanja.
Manchester United are lining up Porto's
Bruno Alves as his replacement. If that sounds familiar
it's because Sir Alex Ferguson has had to go back to Plan A having
been told by Palermo's Simon Kjaer that he has no intention of
moving to England despite both United and City being prepared to
trigger the £18m release clause in his contract.
There's a lot of United ire in the tabs this morning, inspired
principally by how comments made by Fabio Capello – United are no
longer a "war machine" – were spun yesterday. "Get stuffed, we
don't miss Cristiano Ronaldo and we're well placed to win the
title," is the gist of Ferguson's rapid rebuttal.
Manchester United will move, however, to bring in a goalkeeper
and fancy Lyon's Hugo "Slender"
Lloris but not the £20m asking price.