Giving someone else needed correction is never easy.
However, using this method will usually help make the process
productive and profitable and lead to better
results.
by Bonnie Greider
Most of us have been in a position at some time when we had to give
correction to another person. This situation is almost always
uncomfortable. But if we take the time to prepare for it well in
advance, the task can become not only easier, but have positive and
encouraging results.
As anyone who has ever received correction knows (and who hasn't?),
the manner in which it is given has a great impact on how it is
received and, additionally, on whether or not it is ingested and
produces good fruit.
So how can we go about giving correction in a way that leads to the
best outcome? The following method may sound a little unusual at
first, but if you try it, you may experience a positive
result.
Prepare ahead of time
Preparing and giving appropriate, timely and loving correction can
be compared to serving a good meal. After all, your purpose is to
help the other person, giving something nourishing so he or she can
grow. Here are some helpful steps:
First, plan your menu well in advance. What are your anticipated
outcomes? Is this a heavy conversation from an employer to an
employee, such as a yearly evaluation? Maybe it is in preparation
for a raise or promotion.
Perhaps it is an intense disciplinary meeting. If this is the case,
considerably more time and effort will be needed in the planning
stages. Additionally, documentation of the items discussed and, in
many cases, the signature of the individual with whom you are
meeting could be required. There could be applicable labor laws to
consider, and there may be a need to invite another individual to
witness or take part in the discussion.
Second, consider your motivation. Providing correction should be
an act of love and concern for the other individual. Your goal is
to help. Anger, jealousy, hurt feelings or other negative emotions
should not be a part of the picture.
If these feelings are present, you should, if possible, wait for
another opportunity. Emotional conflict will not only likely
distort your judgment and perspective, but it also will rarely
produce the desired end result. If you don't care enough about the
person you are working with to help him or her move in a positive
direction, you probably should not be giving correction at
all!
Next, think about location and timing. Make sure that your
seating is comfortable and not intimidating. Think about the
immediate environment. Will other people be around who might
inadvertently overhear? What is the state of mind of the other
person? What time of day will this conversation occur?
Are the circumstances in the room comfortable and pleasant, or will
they cause uneasiness in either you or the person with whom you are
conversing? Have you spent enough time thinking about what you are
going to say to ensure that you will not blurt out something
unintentional or something that could be misconstrued?
Finally, make sure that all your facts are accurate. Hearsay
evidence, supposed actions, gossip or insinuations are never
appropriate reasons for corrective action.
Additionally, you must be very sure that you are not putting your
motives behind another's actions. Sometimes we can hear a statement
or witness another's deeds and assume that we know their motivation
based on what we would be thinking if we had done or said the same
thing. This often reveals a motive, but not the one we intend! The
perceived actions of another could be far more innocent than ours
would have been in the same situation!
Presenting the situation
Once you have considered these steps, how do you actually deliver?
Continuing with the analogy, consider the steps a master chef takes
to serve a well-prepared meal.
Set the table. Make sure that the environment, as discussed
earlier, is
conducive to producing the right results.
Use the right serving tools. Just as you wouldn't serve gravy
with a fork, you need to make sure you have the right tools to
serve correction. Prior to the event, arm yourself with prayer and
meditation. Make sure that your facts are accurate. Have paper and
pen handy (and maybe a box of tissues!). Know where to go if you
discover you have need of further expertise.
Prepare an appetizer. Draw the other person into the event by
giving him or her a reason to want to be there. Correction should
be positive; it should bring about a change that makes life or work
better. Encourage the other person by showing how much he or she
will benefit from the information you are going to provide.
Provide a well-balanced, attractive meal. Think about every
aspect of what you need to say to be sure that it flows well and is
palatable. Balancing corrective statements with encouraging facts
is like serving tasty garnishes or side dishes alongside the main
dish, which by itself might be hard to swallow. It gives a variety
of things to "chew on," is much more pleasant to the eye and allows
for diversity.
Stick to the facts, to be sure, but intersperse them with lighter
statements that are still on point, but perhaps not all of the same
weight.
Use appropriate seasoning. Provide liberal amounts of gentleness,
meekness, kindness and possibly even humor. Sprinkle humility
liberally over the course of the conversation.
Provide a beverage. Constantly pressing an individual with facts
and statements can be like continually shoving dry bread into his
or her mouth. Giving him or her time to occasionally breathe and
"lighten up" can be like supplying a refreshing glass of water
(which you might also like to do!). Give the person time between
"gulps" of information to pause and be refreshed and digest what he
or she has heard.
Finish with a good dessert. What do you want this person to take
away from the table? You want him or her to be full and nourished
by all that's been ingested, but the taste at the end should be
even more pleasant and intriguing than the appetizer. After all,
the purpose for the correction is to bring about and encourage
positive change that will make life better.
You should end on an uplifting and encouraging note and, as much as
possible, leave your "guest" willing to come back for more. If your
motive is that of love, this is actually possible!
Adapt to other situations
Of course, there are times and situations when having a lot of
preparatory time is not possible. When correcting a child who is
engaging in dangerous activity or stopping a sudden or emerging
situation, there may not be an opportunity to do much other than
put a sudden and abrupt halt to the actions of another.
But after the immediate situation has passed, and when time
permits, it is still imperative to take the time to stop and
discuss what happened and why, and to formulate a plan to prevent
the situation from occurring in the future. This should be done
privately, and with love and genuine concern.
And regrettably, with some people a gentle approach like that
described here simply won't work or isn't enough. Then a more
direct and forceful approach will be needed.
So whatever type of correction you are serving, be sure to plan
your approachyour menuwell with the health of your "guest" in
mind, having a variety of encouraging and tantalizing morsels that
are well prepared, and leaving him or her with a positive plan for
growth and improvement. GN
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