Moving to Merseyside? Roberto Martinez (right) is
favourite to replace sacked Kenny Dalglish (left) as Liverpool
manager... but there are 12 candidates
According to reports, Liverpool plan to interview
a dozen different candidates for the manager's job to ensure
every viable contender is considered.
Insiders tell me the American owners are actually closer
to making an appointment than many believe but have been
busy deciding precisely which scientific method they will use
to whittle those 12 names down to that all important one. A tombola
or a dartboard?
What on earth is happening at Liverpool? Having sacked
pretty much everyone in a position of authority over the past
couple of weeks barring their beleaguered chief executive, the club
appear to have resorted to drawing random names out of a revolving
drum and then cold calling them to see if they fancy moving to
Merseyside.
In no particular order, the 12 names currently being
considered for the Liverpool manager's position are - Pep
Guardiola, Jimmy Corkhill from Brookside, Alan Pardew, the Anfield
Cat, Roberto Martinez, Derek Acorah, Fabio Capello, Rick Astley,
Andre Villas-Boas, club PA announcer George Sefton, Didier
Deschamps and Ken Dodd.
Veteran Dodd emerged as a surprise second favourite behind
Martinez because, as one correspondent pointed out, it means the
club won't have to replace the initials on Dalglish's old
tracksuit.
The truth is almost as ridiculous. The official Liverpool
Twitter account - yes, the club's official feed - asked its million
or so followers to nominate Kenny Dalglish's successor. This came
three-and-a-half hours after stories announced the club had hired a
new director of communications.
Decision: Liverpool owner John Henry (left) probably
won't turn to Ken Dodd
Naturally, having been bombarded with all sorts of
inventive nominations, someone at Anfield then tried to backtrack,
saying: 'The context of our last tweet seems to have been
misunderstood.' And it was really a 'fun
feature'.
Unfortunately, everyone is having fun at Liverpool's
expense right now. More so because this naïve episode fitted in
with the general perception that, ever since the Luis Suarez
T-shirt debacle, Liverpool are lacking in leadership and groping in
the dark for solutions.
Of course, this job lottery scenario could all be a great
diversion designed to distract us from the real managerial target.
It might be like the night comedian Dodd went to watch a topless
female ventriloquist perform and 'nobody ever saw her lips
move'.
Better off in Swansea: Brendan Rodgers has turned down
Liverpool's approach
But it is more likely that Liverpool have no idea
who they want as their new boss. This means if you've been
mentioned over the last 12 months in anything approaching a vaguely
complimentary fashion (that rules out Acorah) you have a chance of
being called to an interview.
Swansea's Brendan Rodgers wisely took himself off the
wishlist, declining the official approach with gracious words about
unfinished business at his present club. The Northern Irishman is
smart enough to know there will be other attractive opportunities
ahead, where the fact he is 'Not Dalglish' won't be held against
him either.
Equally, Borussia Dortmund's Jurgen Klopp, winner of
back-to-back Bundesliga titles, rebuffed a Liverpool approach,
cruelly depriving national newspapers of their pre-prepared 'Klopp
of the Kop' headlines in the process.
Naturally, Guardiola was the top target. He is everybody's
top target and that's the trouble. My local pub has a vacancy for a
bar manager and Pep is their ideal choice too if he'll take it. And
they have about as much chance as Liverpool of luring the former
Barcelona boss out of his year-long sabbatical.
Does anyone seriously think he would step down from the
'stress' of coaching a team including Messi, Xavi and Iniesta,
widely considered to be the best in the world, to swap tactical
chit chat with Jordan Henderson and Stewart Downing on how they can
knock it long to Andy Carroll?
Besides, how does Guardiola even appear on a 'shortlist'?
If someone at Anfield genuinely believes he can be persuaded to
betray that declaration to Barca that he was 'exhausted' and needed
a year off, then you just go and get him. You do not scribble the
name Guardiola alongside a boss who has just avoided
relegation.
One wonders why the Americans would expose
their naivety like this. When John W Henry and Co
arrived the fact that they lacked any knowledge of the game was
ignored because anything was better than Tom Hicks and George
Gillett.
Their appointment of Dalglish was always a compromise and
the Scot's crabby plea that judging Liverpool by league position
alone was 'disrespectful' was the beginning of the end. As I
pointed out at the time, his employers were precisely the sort to
use that measure.
Henry doesn't deal in sentiment. His commodity trading
business boasts of making decisions that 'lock out human emotions'.
And so it proved when he closed the door on Dalglish.
But what do Liverpool have to offer someone like
Guardiola? A side that finished eighth, level on points with
Fulham, and behind a very skint Everton. Before that, they were
seventh and sixth. They have won a Carling Cup, beating a
Championship side on penalties, their only trophy in six years.
Their future is uncertain, since no plan has been announced on the
future of the stadium.
But they have so much to offer if the right man can
rebuild them. For Wigan manager Martinez that all amounts to a step
up and a great challenge. For Guardiola, it is a reason to soak up
the sun and wait for United, or Chelsea or anyone else who
comes calling next year.
But 11 other candidates remain. Luckily, Liverpool have
agreed to allow Fox Sports to film a behind-the-scenes documentary
at the club and maybe that's the plan? Maybe they'll stage the
ultimate football reality show, where one candidate is voted out
every week. They can call it Kop Idol.
And after a dog won Britain's Got Talent, what price is
the Anfield Cat?
