The Premier League has continued to eclipse its
competitors in the transfer
market this season, but
shrewd acquisitions continue to be few and far between all across
the board.
What has distinguished this season from last is that the bottom
clubs have generally spent what little
money they have quite well, while the big clubs
have recruited less than in previous years.
Most foreign imports have settled better than usual, while many of
the season's biggest disappointments have been domestic deals and
particularly British players.
Any coach, player or chairman will try and put a positive spin on
their bad buys, but when they can't even get in the team, fail to
live up to their price tag, don't fit into the tactical setup or
even end up lasting less than a season, it's time for one and all
to hold their hands up.
But they don't - so I'll do it for them.
10) David N'Gog (Paris Saint-Germain to Liverpool
- £1.5m)
When most people hear the name David N'Gog, they
laugh. Try it now. Why is it so funny? It might be that some of a
less cultured tongue pronounce it 'Enn-Gogg' - which admittedly has
an amusing sort of sound to it - but the average football fan is
far more likely to be baffled by just how the young striker ended
up playing for Liverpool despite not being very good at playing
football.
He is a young, tall and fast striker and didn't cost a lot. It was
'touch N'Gog' (that's
how you say his name) over whether to even include him on the list
- we could all yet be proven wrong - but thus far, the Frenchman
has only succeeded at looking woefully out of his depth. And it's
not as if he had even proven anything at the point Rafa Benitez
snapped him up from PSG.
He has essentially become Fernando Torres' deputy at Anfield for
several stretches this season, and upon failing to impress, is
likely to be shunted down the pecking order this summer.
9) Younes Kaboul (Tottenham Hotspur to
Portsmouth - £6m)
And we have a
repeat-entry! Down one place from last year is the big man who
continues to command fairly big money but doesn't seem to be all
that good. He flopped at Tottenham last season and now at
Portsmouth, a club so short of cash, he has failed to live up to
his £6m billing (though the official fee remains
undisclosed).
It seems, though, he may have at least found a home at Fratton
Park. Maybe. Pompey don't quite have the money to throw away that
Spurs do and thus they will want to get as much value out of their
man as is possible.
He can hit a mean shot, and has grabbed a couple of headlines off
the back of his big goals, but lest we forget he is a defender. He
hasn't quite worked out that part of his game yet.
8) Dave Kitson (Reading to Stoke City -
£5.5m)
Dave Kitson was signed by Stoke for a club record
transfer fee. He would be the bright spark of Premier League
experience in front of goal to keep the Potters in the top
flight.
Well, he's here, so suffice to say it didn't work out. The only
thing bright about Kitson at Stoke was his hair, and he can't take
credit for his genetics.
It's safe enough to say he's just not in the Stoke mould. He's
something of a late bloomer, a classy striker and without doubt a
good player, but Stoke are another type of team altogether. He
didn't blend into his surroundings, to say the least.
He played 18 games and didn't score a single goal - and so he went
back on loan to Reading. Even Steve Coppell managed to crack a
smile and squeal out a laugh at this sorry state of affairs.
Win-win.
7) Andrew Johnson (Everton to Fulham -
£10.5m)
Another striker, another club record signing and
another one who has some kind of aversion to scoring goals. It goes
without saying that if Fulham as a team hadn't been doing so well,
then AJ would have found himself much, much higher up the list.
Luckily for him, the Cottagers haven't had to score a lot to
win.
He has worked hard and never looked completely out of his depth,
but he may as well have been Steve Marlet. Bobby Zamora may not
have scored a lot either, but he was half the price and has been
considerably more valuable an outlet for the team all season. Make
no bones about it: Johnson is a flop. He doesn't even have the
time-honoured excuse of being a youngster and being able to grow
into his talents.
The fact there was such a debacle over completing his signing after
the medical scare should have been the sign that the usually shrewd
Roy Hodgson needed to call off the deal, but he didn't. It will be
interesting to see whether the Hodge is willing to swallow his
pride and replace his big-money man this summer. After all, one
transfer window of tremendous work from the experienced coach
turned Fulham into a decent team - imagine what another could
do?
6) Xisco (Deportivo La Coruna to Newcastle United
- £5.7m)
It's been quite a season on Tyneside. A power struggle
of some description between former recruitment man Tony Jimenez,
director of football Dennis Wise and part-time coach, part-time
Messiah Kevin Keegan culminated in a comical beginning to this
season (and it has since, like any good comedy, only gotten
funnier).
Xisco was one of Jimenez's men, brought in for a fairly substantial
amount of money and not given much of a fair shake. He's never been
the best prospect in the world, or even close for that matter, but
to end up fifth choice at the club, even behind Shola Ameobi, means
you're doing something, somewhere, incredibly wrong.
5) Jo (CSKA Moscow to Manchester City -
£19m)
Something about this move seemed wrong from the
beginning. Right player, wrong club. He was never worth the
reported £19m anyway, and following his bumpy start that found him
in and out of the side, he was loaned out to Everton.
There, he is finding his feet, but David Moyes has already
suggested he cannot afford to sign him, which suggests City will
either be stuck with a player they don't want or taking a
significant loss on him this summer when they sell him on. Big
money, bad business-
the two go hand-in-hand.
He's still young, but he will never be Drogba. Admittedly, his
touch of Brazilian flair means that magic can be produced at any
given moment, but for the most part he really is just your average
Jo.
4) Deco (Barcelona to
Chelsea - £8m)
Many fancied themselves as real
experts when Chelsea snapped up Deco from Barcelona. A real
bargain. A top-quality flair player. Just what they need. The
'missing piece'.
They must have felt so proud of themselves two or three games into
the season, while the Portuguese international was still fresh, fit
and enjoying the sunshine. Consistency is another matter
altogether.
The days are long gone that Deco can battle from one end of the
season to another, and thus he was never, ever going to go the
distance in the Premier League. He is what many in England would
consider a luxury player. Quite why he snubbed Inter, a team he
would have slotted into with far more ease, to join up with 'Big
Phlop' Scolari is beyond pretty much everybody.
The funniest thing of all about the signing was Chelsea buying a
third egotistical attacking midfielder for one position.
Admittedly, Guus Hiddink has found a good place for Ballack
alongside Lampard within his current setup, but there was never
going to be a place for Deco. Not now, not ever - he should, if he
has any sense, get out at the first available
opportunity.
3) Marlon: A King-Size
Flop
Roy Hodgson is still breathing a
never-ending sigh of relief. Not only has he transformed Fulham
from relegation battlers to Europa League contenders, but we can't
forget that he was moments away from signing Marlon King, only for
the big man to fail Fulham's notoriously stringent medical.
He is a powerful striker with one hell of a shot on him, but if you
believe what you read, he'd much rather spend his time hitting
women and only using his head to butt Dean Windass in a
Scarborough
casino. Football is
an afterthought.
Wigan picked him up from Watford, Hull then loaned him from the
Latics and after his disastrous spell there, he went down another
rung to a hopeless Middlesbrough side.
Think of him as Stan Collymore without quite so much talent. Who
knows where he'll end up next season, that is if he manages to stay
out of jail.
2) David Bentley
(Blackburn Rovers to Tottenham Hotspur -
£15m)
People never really realised how hard
it was being David Beckham until they prematurely decided that a
man with the same name, same haircut (well, Becks must have had it
at some point) and a
similar playing style will automatically fill his shoes on the
international stage and realised just how catastrophically wrong
they were.
David Bentley isn't even as good as an ageing David Beckham is now
- what makes anybody think that will ever change? He has
indisputable ability, but lacks the world class quality of his
predecessor and doesn't seem to be progressing as many expected he
would, either.
He signed for his supposed 'dream club', Tottenham, for a
substantial initial fee of £15m and unless his goal of the season
contender against Arsenal - the club that snubbed him as a youth
and of course Spurs' greatest rivals - is worth all that, then he's
still an unbridled flop. He has a lot more work to do.
1) Robbie Keane (Tottenham
Hotspur to Liverpool - £19m)
Was Robbie Keane really Rick Parry's
signing, or was that Rafa Benitez's last-ditch attempt at saving
face once he realised his monumental error? When you think bad
transfers, you generally tend to think Spurs. They're usually
involved. But Liverpool fans will be cursing their luck for being
on the wrong end of this one.
This was Rafa's fourth or fifth 'last piece of the puzzle' signing,
the dream partner for Fernando Torres, a player of proven Premier
League quality joining his dream club ... what went wrong?
Two words: Steven Gerrard. Benitez has finally found a system that
puts Gerrard where he belongs - in attacking midfield - which is a
system that only accommodates one striker, and that of course is
Fernando Torres. It's true, Keane would be a dream partner for 'El
Nino', but he can't compete with the club captain. It was never
going to work. Stevie was never going to settle for right wing
again (and why should he?) while Rafa wouldn't be quite so
courageous as to put him in central midfield and risk over-exposing
his side.
The only way Keane and Gerrard could have ever co-existed is if the
Reds adopted a similar system to England, with the only problem
there being that Keane, while good, isn't exactly Wayne Rooney when
it comes to an all-round range of abilities, not to mention
telepathic understanding with Stevie G.
It just wasn't meant to be, and humiliatingly, the Reds sold Keane
back to Spurs in January, making a loss of anywhere between £6-8m.
Oh well, there's always next year.
