Should I stay with her or not?

last SG · 2014-06-18T14:36:43+00:00

Honestly speaking, i feel that your kids are important than her. The years you spent with them and the months you know the girl. nothing can compare to that....

mistermister SG

Hi, I need your opinion on a huge issue I am having with my girlfriend.

I am a divorced father of 2 beautiful children. I have been divorced for over 3 years now but only recently decided to move on with my life and find someone else to grow old with.

I started going out with an amazing girl about 8 months ago (whom has never been married or had kids)she has been everything I have ever imagined minus one thing, She cannot stand that I am a father and I have been divorced.

She always says she wants nothing to do with my kids and can't stand that I'm a father. Lately she has asked me to stay at a hotel when my kids want to stay over.

The other problem is she cannot tell her parents that I've been married before or had kids otherwise they would not allow her to be with me.

I know the easy way is just to leave her, but I truelly am happy with her. She has her moments when she makes me feel like I'm not good enough for her cause I'm a father and a divorcee.

Any ideas what to do? Should I stay and try and work on things or just leave?

Appreciate all your comments and suggestions

FireIce SG

since neither of u going to compromise, then dont.

Genie99b SG

Hi mistermister,

My view of your situation is pretty simple.

The choice really lies with your partner…and it would be her decision to make.

From your post it seems you had made your marital status clear. I personally applaud your sense of responsibility with regards to your children.

It could be that she wants to share her life with you but not your kids. I suppose making it clear that this is their lives we are talking about and not some inanimate object.

Perhaps your partner has not taken that into consideration and does not feel nany responsibility since it isnt her kid but that is basically selfish thinking and irresponsible.

What I suggest you can do is explain to her you have a responsibility to your kids and that will not change. You do want to share your life with her and that she has to ultimately decide for herself.

To cut off the relationship on your part may not be fair to her but it would be prudent to let her know gently that she inevitably has to make a decision.

NeverSayGoodBye SG

Pretty simple, the onus is on her and not for you to mull over. She already told you straight up that she can't accept your kids and status, meaning the relationship is doomed from the beginning. She's not prepare and can't accept this kind of blended family relationship, whereby she will be called step mother to your kids in future. To make it easier for you, if she wants nothing to do with your kids, then she's not the right woman for you. She just wanted the roses but without the thorns.

M the name SG

Hi mistermister,

My view of your situation is pretty simple.

The choice really lies with your partner…and it would be her decision to make.

From your post it seems you had made your marital status clear. I personally applaud your sense of responsibility with regards to your children.

It could be that she wants to share her life with you but not your kids. I suppose making it clear that this is their lives we are talking about and not some inanimate object.

Perhaps your partner has not taken that into consideration and does not feel nany responsibility since it isnt her kid but that is basically selfish thinking and irresponsible.

What I suggest you can do is explain to her you have a responsibility to your kids and that will not change. You do want to share your life with her and that she has to ultimately decide for herself.

To cut off the relationship on your part may not be fair to her but it would be prudent to let her know gently that she inevitably has to make a decision.

It take two hands to clap. How do you know if TS's kids will accept and recognize his new partner as their new "mum" and not give her trouble? And what about TS's new partner's children in near future? Can they share their lives together? Learn from 'celebrity' like Marcus Chin and didn't follow their mistake!

Genie99b SG

I won't know that. Are you suggesting that TS having divorced should not seek to fulfill his life then? Divorce is a hindrance and/or obstacle. It can be overcome.

Bio-Hawk SG

She always says she wants nothing to do with my kids and can't stand that I'm a father. Lately she has asked me to stay at a hotel when my kids want to stay over.

Appreciate all your comments and suggestions

Short answer,leave with her. If she cannot accept even your kids,beware of what else is coming your way later.

Find someone else contrary to the feminist advices of bend your back for a bitch and be considerate and give your kids to charity to keep a bitch happy,slave your life for a bithces happiness and be screwed etc. Be a man walk away from such women.

mistermister SG

She blames it on her parents saying that they will never accept that I am with a divorcee, but sometimes I feel it's just a cover up of her just jealousy that the kids arent hers.

My kids know her well but lately I have tried to stop the interaction with her because I know she isnt interested in getting to know them.

Is this enough reason for us to seperate or should we just hold on together and hope things get better.

mistermister SG

I'm just afraid all women are the same. No woman would want to go out with a guy who's in his early 30's and has 2 kids. Maybe I just have to put up with this.

Genie99b SG

She blames it on her parents saying that they will never accept that I am with a divorcee, but sometimes I feel it's just a cover up of her just jealousy that the kids arent hers.

My kids know her well but lately I have tried to stop the interaction with her because I know she isnt interested in getting to know them.

Is this enough reason for us to seperate or should we just hold on together and hope things get better.

It remains an assumption if she is covering up anot. If she says it is due to her parents not accepting so be it. It does not change the fact that she still needs to make a decision. You have laid your cards clear and have hidden nothing. She will need to choose ....to make a choice if she wants to share her life with you despite your shortcomings..in yr case divorce and moral obligation to your kids or if she wants to forgo that in favor of her parentsopinion or as u suspect her own agenda. Either way she is 1 half of the relationship and she has to decide for herself.

Genie99b SG

I'm just afraid all women are the same. No woman would want to go out with a guy who's in his early 30's and has 2 kids. Maybe I just have to put up with this.

Your worry is not unfounded however to assume all women are the same simply cannot be true. What you could be afraid of is that it would be more difficult to find a woman with a heart of gold that is willing to accept you and your shortcomings. I agree that is not simple. Then again life is not simple but it will go on. You have to go on.

M the name SG

I won't know that. Are you suggesting that TS having divorced should not seek to fulfill his life then? Divorce is a hindrance and/or obstacle. It can be overcome.

Yeah right, why didn't you be Marcus Chin(陈建彬) marriage counsellor and pass your brilliant opinion to him, and if you are kind you can help him to overcome his failed marriage's problem, for example by helping to pay for his alimony to his first wife. That why I always said in this forum talk is always cheap. *:)) laughing

And in case you didn't know, when Marcus host the TV show "Golden Age Talentime" and told his contender not to choose the wrong music cos it will affect his winning, his co-host Brandon Wong also reply that he agreed with Marcus's view and use an example just like his failed marriage, he should have make an 'wise' decision back then so that he didn't regret, that when Marcus call for an commerical break. *=)) rolling on the floor

Genie99b SG

No idea who Marcus Chin is. But unfortunately he did not post here. If he wants my ‘brilliant opinion’ try making the first move and ask.

Im assuming you are speaking on his behalf.

M the name SG

No idea who Marcus Chin is. But unfortunately he did not post here. If he wants my ‘brilliant opinion’ try making the first move and ask.

Im assuming you are speaking on his behalf.

Are you a kid who is trying to troll here, one who didn't watch TV or simply you just live in a cave? http://tieba.baidu.com/p/908313127

Genie99b SG

thanks for the link but im also not interested to find out who marcus chinis

pinkbabi SG

As a father, you must have your children's interests at heart. No one should replace your love for them. Trust me, when you grow old, you will be very thankful your children are still by your side. Give up the girl as no good will come out of this relationship. Refocus on your children again. They should be your priority. She is not right fit for you. Just because you are a divorcee with children, you are still good enough for someone to love you. However the person must embrace your children wholeheartedly, not selective love.

The divorce has hurt everybody but the children are the hardest hit. You need to reconnect with them and assure them of your love constantly. Right now, it's just lust because the girl is young, you feel rejuvenated.. She or the next woman can never replace their own mother. This is a fact. As they are still young, do not neglect their feelings. Take the cue from them if your girlfriend is a good match. For the current one, it's clearly unsuitable.

jojobeach SG

She always says she wants nothing to do with my kids and can't stand that I'm a father. Lately she has asked me to stay at a hotel when my kids want to stay over.

Appreciate all your comments and suggestions

That girl is using your divorce status and children to manipulate and control you.

By making you feel inadequate, she has you under her thumb.She is exploiting your insecurities and fear.

Your insecurities as a divorced father and fear of loneliness.

Any relationship with a hush hush tag on is a big red flag. You are but a secret affair. Easy to hide, easy to wipe off her records later.

Are you sure you want to forgo your children for a woman like that ?

True happiness does not come at the expense of another.

Yes I know, it's not easy being a single dad. But this woman is not the right fit for you. Neither are you the right guy for her, she will eventually dump you when the right guy comes along.

Her excuse for dumping you will be the same reasons she used to torment you- That you are a divorced man with 2 kids.

You are what you are, she can try to twist and hide, mold and fold, but how long can you pretend to be something you are not ?

When you stop pretending, will she stick around , or high tail out ?

You've already made a big mistake with your first wife. Don't let this girl be your next mistake.

mother-of-pearl SG

I dun think she loves you,if she did,she would have accepted you as a new man, along with your kids. Hence ,she will also make reasons to ditch you based on the very reasons. I married a divorcee… It took me a while to accept him,but today I m glad that I married him . You deserve a better lady… This gf sounds really unsuitable for you.

sgdiehard SG

Are you a kid who is trying to troll here, one who didn't watch TV or simply you just live in a cave? http://tieba.baidu.com/p/908313127

嘻嘻，老牛吃嫩草。

its not whether young or old, people who do not live in Singapore are not likely to know.

Andriena SG

She always says she wants nothing to do with my kids and can't stand that I'm a father. Lately she has asked me to stay at a hotel when my kids want to stay over.

Appreciate all your comments and suggestions

When a person loves you... she will be able to accept your past... as much as you love her.