i keep comparing myself with others

quin SG

I have this problem where i constantly compare myself with others, be it looks, grades, talents, etc.

I hate it, but i cant help it, my friends hate this point of me too, because of this i became very competitive and always subconciously being proud when i do well.

Even my mentality has a problem. other people goals and dreams are all along the line like to do what they like, to help others, to one invent something, while my is just to beat everbody at their game.

sometimes i feel very sad (sometimes it feels painful) when others do better than me, and i would secretly whish that they would do badly the next time (i am a very selfish person). i dont understand how others can truely congratulate another person who did better than them.

i was brought up in a family where they constantly compare me to others, saying things like "look how many As your cousin got, others can do it so why cant you?" thus i constantly find the need to compare myself to others.

i am willing to change, please help me, scold me or whatever, just stop me from being like this

jojobeach SG

Perhaps you have narcissistic personality disorder or you were taught to become like this due to your family upbringing. You can try to figure this out through psychological counseling.

Given your negative family culture, where parents shame their kids into obedience. It is likely you lack acceptance, approval and positive encouragement in your growing up years.

So by winning, you think you're fullfilling those needs.

The question is, if you are removed from your negative family environment will it make any difference ?

If you are a person lacking of self-esteem and self confidence, you will continue to be competitive and selfish.

If your self-esteem is derived from another person's failure, you will be constantly battling to fill that need. Soon, you'll be this loner, battling with your own demon.

Most people who live vicariously are able to accept defeat graciously. Because losing that game to another better player is not a big deal. The joy is in playing the game, winning is secondary. The harder the opponent , the more exhilarating the challenge, so defeat is acceptable and expected.

Your own happiness is within yourself.

Someone else's happiness does not cost you yours.

Someone else's misfortune does not make your life any better.

Freeonefiveone SG

Unfortunately,, this is singapore and many people suffer from being compared this to that and etc...

its ok to compete with others but here's the problem, you are selfish ( u even said it yourself). This is what makes you unhappy. You should instead of wishing them to fall, try to work harder to beat them.

I believe that people who are not ignorant accept that they do NOT know everything , but will find evidence, do research to gain more knowledge. These people are also willing to give up their old knowledge for new and more reliable knowledge.

you can be that person.. You can compete.. But acknowledge you cannot be the best at everything.

rhe other way is to not give a damn about what others say. Find your own passion and keep seeking knowledge. However, this is hard considering your upbringing , but its possible and will have better end results.

either compete but accept that you are not the best, or do not compete and make your own path .. The choice is yours.

in any case, please surround yourself with positive people, they will help you A LOT.

have a nice day

Ronica SG

It took me a long time not to judge myself through the eyes of someone, including parents and loved ones. Start loving ourselves, so that others can love us. When we are comfortable that people love us genuinely, we are comfortable to let people "win", be it beauty or talents, because there are no losers but all are winners.

Summer.in.neveda SG

Often we make simple things complicated over the time until it turn to incurable. Believe me, it happned to me.

Check your inbox (PM).

Acidcat SG

Just a thought ... If u go do some charity work or maybe take a staycation in some poor country ... Maybe your perspective in life will change ... The things u value may change?

hainawa SG

http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3531#comic
Pretty sure many people in developed or developing countries go through your anguish at some point. Especially those who have people depending on them e.g. sole breadwinner. Heard this advice before: don't compare your beginning to someone's middle.

kooldog59 SG

Everyone of us have a selfish streak in us, so don't look down on yourself because of this. Since you are aware of this and willing to admint it, already means that you are a better person than most. So just always remind yourself to take sometime to come to your senses before you speak. This will help you aviod unintentionally hurting anyone.

nufcfromsg SG

Everybody has their own unique character which someone else will like..don't fret.

Thisisjohn117 SG

Its good that you have a drive to accomplish, and its relatively normal to be envious of others' achievements. No one likes to lose out to another, even if they display true sportsmanship. People just suppress the sting of defeat and try not to downsize the "winner's" victory.

The Code SG

TS, you might like to go to Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT) to seek help for your problem : http://www.youthinmind.sg

Employability SG

Being competitive is great, it drives you. While you may not be able to eradicate envy and jealousy, you can certainly get over it and move on. What you might be experiencing is a response to your inferiority complex. Beat yourself at your own game, and you find a sense of fulfillment that will last a lot longer.

Clary SG

Wow there are plenty of really good answers here, glad to see that people are willing to post such constructive feedback to help one another.

I guess you have to stop comparing on every aspect, somethings you cant have and somethings you can. You cant be the best at everything. Few may master, but most will end up as jacks of all trades, but masters of none. I suggest focusing on 3 things in your life that you want to see yourself being the best in, and focus all your efforts onto that. It will take discipline, being a competitive person on all fronts, but focus. Then you will realise that you will be remembered for being great at something than amateurish at everything. It might make you feel better.

All the best man (:

chooyaochuen SG

It's OK to compare. It's normal. Just try not to be jealous or judgemental of others.