Hey guys,
Hopefully i can find my answers here.. I am really confused
right now. Recently, my girlfriend of 3.5 years started changing
after knowing a malaysian guy at her workplace.
Here is a start: When she started working at that place in
woodlands, she came to know a malaysian guy which she called sissy
sam. Recently, she changed alot and it is really making me feel
unsettled.
1. She jumps to that guy's defence when i said he is a sissy
while we are talking (She is the one that told me that guy is a
sissy and a gigolo). She also keeps mentioning that guy so often
until i am so pissed. I also saw photo in her phone which they took
together closely side by side while she is scrolling through the
gallery.
2. She dolls up alot more often. She suddenly started wearing
heavy make up as well as donning really short skirts. I also caught
her washing those really sexy lingerie which she only wore when we
have intimate couple moments (told me that it made her very 'high'
and make her go into the mood for sex). When confronted, she said
that she ran out of underwear to wear. (Thats complete bullshit).
She refuse to wear it when we had sex during the past few months
even after i told her to. She claims it is uncomfortable!
3. She brought clothes for that malaysian guy as well as me. She
told me that the clothes was a gift from her mum (Lying). She even
show a great deal of concern about the fit of clothes on the
malaysian guy and asked for pics of the malaysian guys wearing them
while she did not even asked about mine. ( found out when i snooped
through her message). I did not even know that the malaysian guy
has it as well!
4. She refuses to have sex as well as rejecting my sexual
advance. She had also stopped initiating sex and physical contact.
She claimed that she wants to be a good girl and wait till
marriage. Seriously?
5. She asked that guy out a couple of times (she did not even
asked me out for the past few months. We only go out when i asked
to)and that malaysian guy even asked her to go jb with him. This is
how the conversation went:
Guy: we go jb do tgt lah (facial or smth)
Her: Need ask my mum first worx
Guy: Lie to your mum and say going with bf (me) lah.
Her: going with new bf lo! haha. :).
Guy: I know u kidding la. i know we impossible de
Her: Sometimes impossible de stuffs also can happen de.
What the heck is she trying to pull here??? Can someone
enlighten me?They also chatted frequently through the night and
plan outing tgt while i am sleeping. (Snooped her messages). We
have been tgt for 3.5 years alry.. She wont even go to chalet with
me but want to go jb with him??
6. My gf started asking me wierd question such as if she could
go out with her friends or anything. Why would she even ask that?
Trying to make herself feel better for going out with that 'friend'
of hers?
7. When we go out, the PDA is still there. But when we are
alone, there is none at all.
8. She demands to know where i am everytime.. When i took a bus
to her house, she would keep asking about where i am as well as
what time i am reaching.etc. is she trying to hide something?
9. She refuse to meet any of my friends anymore even though she
knew all of them. We were all ex classmates. She does not want to
come to my hse anymore as well...
Guys, I am really feeling shitty here. i am so confused and
angry. I even picked up smoking because of this matter. I can't
feel her anymore. I know it is wrong for me to snoop her phone. But
if i dont, i would have been made to wear green hat without even
knowing it.. So guys, please give me some advice. I am really going
to snap soon... Any advice will do.. Please dont read and close
without replying.. My heart is really hurting as i am typing it...
So pls..
Thanks alot...
Heartbroken boy...
Sounds like you
are undergoing period of extreme distress. Surely, it must have
been terrible to experience the change of attitude towards the
relationship and for you to feel disconnected from your significant
other in accentuated tangible manner.
There seemed to be serious
fissures in your relationship; my guess is that communication
channel appears to be broken. Even though there might be
reconciliation efforts to bridge understanding by talking about
issues - my hypothesis would be that any attempt to gain insights
are likely to be marred by blaming stance that would fuel arguments
and/or incongruence in communication patterns.
This is not likely to be an
overnight change; transformation would have manifested prior before
your revelation and way before your internal alarm started
shrieking uncontrollably. 
***
It's arduous
(next to impossible) to do any form of recovery work if
'to-surface-the-white-elephant-in-the-room' conversation doesn't
occur. What I mean is that you already have some form of intuitive
conclusion that she might be planning a strategic exit through
inductive reasoning of your experience in your relationship with
her. Hence, to confront this conclusion is critical if you want to
know if your premises are true but the conclusion be false. This
would result in invalidity of your knowledge of what's really
happening in the relationship and allows opportunity to raise
conversation to truly find out the source of change and possibility
of working for positive resolution.
As it is likely that the
decomposition of the relationship has probably inflicted great deal
of damage, any delay would probably lengthen your unspoken
suffering and the excruciating pain of ambivalence.
Surely 3.5 years of
relationship is at stake; however without reflective evaluation of
your current relationship, any years beyond this point merely serve
as a number trophy that is ultimately
meaningless.
Cheers
