English football takes a pasting -
again
'Put a s hit hanging from a stick, and there are people who will
tell you it's a work of art." So said Argentinian football pundit
Jorge Valdano this week in the Spanish newspaper Marca. Oddly
enough, Valdano was describing the recent Champions League tie
between Chelsea and Liverpool, a game hitherto held out with a
quiet satisfaction as a showcase of the best that English football
has to offer.
Valdano is an unusual figure. He occupies a unique role as
football's philosopher-critic. He played in Argentina's 1986 World
Cup-winning team. He published a book of epigrams called Apuntes
del Balon ("Notes of the Ball" ). He once compared criticism of his
tactical approach to "the time they dared ask Borges what poetry
was for".
So, he's a footballer, a philosopher, a name-dropper. But is he
right? The answer is that in some contexts - such as trendy east
London - "a sh it on a stick" can indeed be art. Like art, football
arranges itself in different genres. When Valdano was sporting
director at Real Madrid, his team was a travelling sideshow of
back-flicks and nutmegs, in contrast to the pragmatic styles of
Liverpool and Chelsea. This is clearly a case of the baroque versus
the brutalist.
There may be politics here, too. Rafa Benitez and Jose Mourinho,
managers of Liverpool and Chelsea, are both candidates to take over
at Madrid. Valdano is speaking not to us, but to Madrid's board and
fans, while offering a reminder of his own legacy.
Which is all very well, but it's still rude. The obvious riposte is
that our football may be a sh it on a stick, but it's a successful
sh it on a stick. Three Champions League semifinalists: count 'em,
Jorge. More likely, it comes down to different notions of beauty.
We don't produce extravagantly skilled Maradonas. We produce tough
John Terrys and tall Peter Crouches. We run around a lot and,
occasionally, we forget to take the ball with us. Which, in the
right light, can be just as lovely.
