Imagine this. You being able to talk about your new boyfriend to
me while sipping your coffee. Right in front of me. Have you any
idea why you can do that so easily? Its because I have decided
never to reveal how much what you do affects me anymore. To my
grave, thats what I told myself.
What was it they use to say about.... nah, come to think of it, I
haven't heard what people say about this. Plenty talk about first
loves, first break ups, first nights, but none talk about people
naive in relationships facing rejection as their first
experience.
It has been a long time since that day you told me you would rather
remain friends. Friends, that interesting and exasperating grey
area between girls and boys. This ambigious state that is used and
abused both as a refuge for confusion or fear, as well as a
convenient frame of mind for whatever feelings people haven't
figured out yet. No matter. I accepted your decision long
ago.
Had it not been your assumption that I handled it well, we would
not be talking like this. You telling me again about your new
boyfriend. I bet from my expression you will never in a million
years guess what I'm thinking about. And thats the way it will
stay. Like I said, to my grave.
Looking around this coffee place I bet everyone has their own
story. Like that guy who nearly got a faceful of whatever he
ordered. The way that waitress flung it at him you would think he
tried to grab her behind. Or that funny looking guy at the corner
sniggering to himself. No matter. Keep your thoughts to yourself,
as I do mine.
If they had a jukebox here, I would know exactly what song to play.
But as it is there is only the incessant tapping of keys, and your
voice. I will be happy to just listen. Whatever I think, I'll keep.
To my grave.
