Hello and welcome to the second of Tan Koon Yan's Conspiracy
Lectures. As you all probably know, the Hippie Order has
commissioned a series of lectures to inform and educate the public
about the TRUE
government. Without ado, I bring you the Tan Koon Yan Conspiracy
Lecture, Number Two!
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Topic: The Haze
Now I'm sure many of you have seen the haze, or at least smelt it.
And all of you assume that it is the fault of the Indonesians and
their slash-and-burn practices, because various news outlets tell
you so. But, today, Dr Tan Koon Yan will tell you what you
really need to know: The Truth.
Do you ever wonder why the haze always appear at the same time of
the year? Or wonder about the coincidence that 600 hotspots will
appear in the Indonesian forests all at the same time? The truth
is, the haze isn't caused by stupid farmers or magnifying glasses
pointing towards the sun, but by the very people whom we believe
in: the Government.
You see, the government are actually followers of the ancient
Viking God of Fire, Loki.
The evidence? According to Dr Tan Koon Yan, founder of the Hippie
Order and their derivations, government personnel are really
fanatics of Loki.
Dr Tan Koon Yan said, "Gah-men are fanatics of
Loki."
It is therefore true that the government is a staunch supporter of
Loki. But how does that link to the haze?
In the year 1999, the Hippie Order came to learn of a document
involving the government and their dietary habits. In the 1999 PAP
Manifest of Food, it showed that there was approximately 50 tonnes
of Wangyu Beef, 23 tonnes of Airflown Australian Steak, 6 tonnes of
tomatoes and 5 tonnes of marshmallows transported into the Istana,
or as the Hippie Order calls it, the White House.
We put two and two together, and realized that the annual forest
fires were meant for a far greater purpose than clearing land.
According to Dr Gordon Gandhi (pictured above), the amount of food
discovered were actually meant for the Parliament's annual
barbecue. To cook that amount of food, they needed a fire large
enough, something around the magnitude of the Indonesian forest
fires.
There you have it. The conspiracy behind the forest fires is now
solved.
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Summary in 10 words:
The Haze from forest fires came from Government's annual
barbecue.
