All the suffering in the world arises out of wanting happiness
for self.
All happiness in the world arises out of wanting happiness for
others.
A reason why we are unhappy is that we are not true to
ourselves.
Paradoxically, we are also untrue to ourselves when we are untrue
to
others, as true sincerity to yourself naturally overflows to
those
around you.
How (un)happily we relate to others is related to our happiness,
since
much of our lives involves relating to others. When we speak of
being
true to ourselves, it is usually mistaken that we should simply
do
whatever we fancy for ourselves.
Obviously, this doesn't really bring happiness. If it does, we
would
be perfectly happy already. This means we are doing the wrong
things
to be happy. Being true means being aligned with the truth,
qualities
of which include the realisation of generosity, loving-kindness
and
wisdom. Often, happiness is sought through their opposites -
attachment (to personal happiness), aversion (to those who
"threaten"
our happiness) and delusion (about what is happiness). Attachment
and
aversion arise from this delusion, which keeps true
happiness.
A common symptom of unhappiness is the complaint that we want
happiness, but others make us unhappy. The truth is no one other
than
ourselves can make us unhappy. We are unhappy about others only
when
we choose to relate to them in an unhappy manner. Flip this around
and
it is equally true - those who "make" you unhappy should realise
that
the cause of unhappiness is not you, but in how they choose to
relate
to you. If our happiness is always determined by how others treat
us,
how can we be truly happy? What if someone deluded thinks that
making
you unhappy brings happiness for oneself?
Be generous, loving and wise to that person. Respond with
sincerity.
Seek to understand and bring happiness to that person. Focus
on
dissolving the person's unhappiness instead of being unhappy with
how
that person is affecting you. This also dissolves your
unhappiness
about that person. It's a win-win situation. Retaliating with
aversion
would only perpetuate unhappiness on both sides.
What if those unhappy with us do not appreciate our sincerity? This
is
still no cause for you to be unhappy. True sincerity expects
no
reciprocation. It simply does what is right - that aligned to
happiness. There is happiness in knowing we are blameless, when we
do
our best to bring others happiness. The only ones who hold
our
happiness ransom is us.
For instance, if someone is unhappy with me for saying the Earth
is
round, why should I be unhappy about that? The truth is that the
Earth
is not flat. Others' unhappiness with the truth has no power to
make
us unhappy if we are at peace with the truth. Likewise,
others'
unhappiness with the trueness of our sincerity has no power to make
us
unhappy. The options are obvious - If we do not choose to relate
to
those unhappy with us happily, we choose to relate to them
unhappily.
Our happiness first comes from how kindly and wisely we relate to
the
universe; not how it treats us. Yet the kinder and wiser we are,
the
kinder and wiser
To be unhappy, have expectations that others make you happy.
To be happy, make others happy without expectations.