THE HEMORRHOIDS WORSHIPPERS
WHO ARE THEY ?
PLEASE READ ON TO FIND THE ANSWER.
For instance, we know that you will want to hear the story about
the golden hemorrhoids.
T: Hemorrhoids?
A: Yes, the Israelites accepted golden images of hemorrhoids, that
is, golden hemorrhoids, which were placed in the ark of the
covenant.
Moderator: Just as we ended this last session, right before the
news, Mr. Murray, you said that the Bible revealed the worship of
hemorrhoids. Now, don't you think that's a low blow?
A: Again, all we do is to respond to what either you, as moderator,
or the listeners, ask.
M: But hemorrhoids being worshipped? And that's in the Bible? Now,
nowl
A: This is exactly what we want to point out. Few people realize
what .this book, which they call the Bible, is.
M: Well, I'll venture to say that you go too far; you interpret how
you want to interpret.
T: That's right. I've noticed that in these Atheists. Instead of
taking the proper interpretation of the Good Book, they want to
make some freaky thing out of the words of the Lord.
A: Oh boy! Are you asking for it. Again and again and again we need
to caution you to know your material before you make this kind of
remark.
T: I have been reading the Bible for over forty years now, and I
can tell you that there is no mention of this filth in the Good
Book at all.
A: Do you have your Bible there?
f: It is always beside me. I know that every person is in need of
the strength of the Good Book.
A: Well, you know the story that Moses allegedly, at the age of
fourscore years (that's 80 years old), had a fight with the Pharoah
of Egypt and allegedly managed to rescue the Jews from Egypt. He
then took them and wandered around in the desert for 40 years.
During that time he went up onto a mountain in the wilderness, when
he was anywhere from 100 to 120 years old, and received a great
number of commandments from a Jewish tribal god and he gave them
all to the tribal people whom.. he had been leading around in the
desert. And, when Moses was listing all the things that could
happen to anyone who disobeyed god, he listed, among other things,
that god had warned that he would smite such persons with
hemorrhoids.
T: He did not. The Lord God would not do such a thing.
A: Why dont you just read Deuteronomy 28. You said you have your
Bible there. Read from about verse 24 to about - oh, verse
27.
T: You always want to take everything out of context. You just want
to read one or two verses.
A: What does your minister do every Sunday? Does he read the whole
chapter?
T: That's different.
A: How?
T: He's a man of God, and he is teaching us with chapter and
verse.
A: We're teaching you, too. Go ahead and read the entire chapter
then. We don't care. It is rather long, but --
Moderator: Now we must have time to get more question in here.
Caller, if you will just read a verse or two, you can check this
out later in greater depth. What verse was it you wanted him to
read, Mr. Murray ?
A: Read Deuteronomy 28:27.
T: "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, ar emerods
[hemorrhoids], and with the scab, and with the itch thou canst not
be healed."
A: That's right, and I see that you are reading
from the King James version ofthe Bible. Do you know what that
means?
T: Its the Saint James. It was translated from the original into
English by Saint James.
A: There is no original Bible. The one you are reading from is one
of the hundreds of versions which have been put out. Actually, it
was King James of England who, in 1604, decided to put a stop to
all the arguments about the English text, appointed 54 so-called
Biblical authorities and had a text made which was approved by the
Church of England. Thats what you have in your hands. There are
many other versions.
But the important point is that you have read
from your own bible which belongs to you, that the lord would smite
anyone who disobeyed him with the botch of Egypt, the hemorrhoids,
with the scab and the itch. That sounds like herpes, doesn't
it?
But that's not the point we wanted to make. Your god smites with
hemorrhoids for being disobedient.
T: (Reluctantly) Well, yes, it does say that.
A: Now, let's get to what happened with one particular instance of
such smiting. If you will turn to 1 Samuel 5, this book tells about
the time during the ministry of Samuel as a prophet, a priest, and
a judge. He was, allegedly, the founder of the school of the
prophets'. That makes him a big cheese.
T: It is NOT scholarly to talk like this.
A: But your Bible is not scholarship, so we Atheists can address it
any way we want to address it, and we can guarantee that the
address will never be a respectful one. This book deserves no
respect from anyone.
The Philistines had captured the ark of the covenant, which god
was incapable of protecting, and they took it back to their
city,Ashod. (The ark is described elsewhere in the Bible as a box,
about the size of a coffin.) So, god smote everyone in the city
with hemorrhoids.' Thats in verse 6. "But the hand of the Lord was
heavy upon them of Ashod and he destroyed them, and smote them with
emerods (hemorrhoids)even Ashdod and the coasts thereof." The
situation was then that everyone was dead ("... he destroyed
them... ") but at the same time all these corpses were running
around with hemorrhoids and there was no Preparation H in
sight.
T: Will you stop that! I'm going to turn off my radio.
(To the moderator) How can you permit this to go on air?
A: Therefore the Philistines decided to get rid of
the ark and they picked it up and carried it hither and thither.
So, the Lord smote them again, and thats in verse 9. Remember,
they were all dead already and they all had been smitten with
hemorrhoids. And it was so, that, after they had carried it ( the
reference is to the ark) about, the hand of the Lord was against
the city with a great destruction: and he smote the men of the city
both small and great and they had emerods (hemorrhoids) in their
secret parts. Now, this was the second bath of hemorhoids he laid
on them, but this time he gave hemorrhoids to the little boys, too,
even though everyone was dead.
And the people cried out to get rid of the ark and they went to the
lords of the Philistines and said, Get rid of the ark. Then in
verse 12, And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods
(hemor-hoids )[This is the third time god smote them with
hemorrhoids; and now some of those who had died, had not died.] and
the cry of the city went up to heaven." That is, within a day,
first the city and the entire shore, then the men small and great,
and then every man who had not died -- although everyone had died
-- were all smitten with hemorrhoids. But they kept the ark, and
presumably the hemorrhoids, for seven months.
Incidentally, all through the Bible these horror stories are
repeated. The people involved were either 1.) excessively stubborn
2) stupid, beyond belief, 3) masochistic, or 4) all three. God has
to whip a dreadful punishment on a king, or a tribe, or an
individual before any of them will listen. Throughout the Bible,
everyone ignores god and goes on his way. I say " his" because
generally the references are to men; usually women are not
important in the Bible.
But after seven months, the Philistines decided to return the ark
to the Jews and to put inside a trespass offering. And here is what
that trespass offering was, from 1 Samuel 6:4, "Then said they,
What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him?
They answered, Five golden emerods [ hemorrhoids], and five golden
mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines, for
one plague was on you all, and on your lords. (5) Wherefore ye
shall make images of your emerods [hemorrhoids], and images of your
mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of
Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and
from off your gods, and from off your land."
Doing exactly as directed, they made golden images of their
hemorrhoids and of the mice and they put them in the ark. Then they
put the ark on a cart and they took the cart, driven by kine (that
means "cows"), and took it into Bethshemesh into Joshua's field.
And when the Jews there decided to look into the ark to see what
they had received, here is what happened. This is still chapter 6
of 1 Samuel, but now, verse 19. "And he (that is, god) smote the
men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the
Lord, even he smote of the people fifty thousand three score and
ten men: and the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many
of the people with a great slaughter." Therefore, some other Jews
had to fetch the ark back to the house of Abinadab. For all anyone
knows those five golden images of hemorrhoids from five persons
remained in the ark for all times; it may be that they are still
there today, wherever that ark is.
Now, you tell us what god wanted with five golden hemorrhoid images
and why he would slaughter 50,070 innocent men, his own Jews,
because they looked in a box? He simply didn't want them to see the
golden hemorrhoids?
T: The ways of the Lord are inscrutable.
A: That's a cop out. Recently there was a Christian adventure film
released which has come to be quite a box office draw. The title of
Raiders of The Lost Ark. In that was told the story of an alleged
recent finding of the ark of the covenant. We just wonder why the
film were not honest enough to show that the ark contained golden
hemorrhoids all this time.
T: You people need to be taken off the airways. If God wanted he
wanted that. It is not ours to reason why, God moves in mysterious
ways.
I have another question.
A: First, tell me how 50,070 persons could gather around an ark,
farmer's field and look inside of it. Do you go to football
games?
T: Of course. Every man in America goes to football games.
A: The Houston Astrodome holds about 50,000 persons. Have up ever
been there?
T: I was at a Houston Oilers' gome there.
A: Could you please tell me how all of those persons could, at
time, look into a little box on that field, a box about as big as
an ordinary coffin? And, what would you think of a god who would
strike everyone at that game for look into the box?
Can you imagine 50,070 people in the Houston Astrodome struck dead?
What could be done with all those bodies? Even the modern hospitals
in Houston could not receive them. The mortuaries there are not
capable of handling that many corpses. Think of the problem of
removing them from the stadium before they began to bloat and rot.
But, the Bible wafts that many bodies away with no
difficulties.
T: I am not going to permit you to criticize my Bible. Every time
we mention the Good Book, you start your blasphemy.
A: Do you know what the word "blasphemy" means? It simply means
irreverence, showing a lack of reverence toward something
considered sacred or inviolable. Atheists don't "revere" anything.
To revere means to fear, or to respect through fear.
Nothing is "sacred" to the searching minds of Atheists. Your Bible
your god, your churches, your belief system all need to be analyzed
critically.
Everything about you, your god and your Bible,
goes back to an acceptance "on faith," that is, without proof of
whatever is told to you by the clergy. who twist the truth into
exact opposites
Dont you know that you are a Christian Zombie and you are
incapable of independent thinking. You are being brainwashed by the
Vampires of Jesus Christ into believing that everyword from the
Bible is a revelation from God. It puzzles me as to how stupid and
gullible human beings are....they willing to pay tithes to the
church to have their minds chained by the churcy.
THE TRUTH SEEKERS
