When I was about 4 years old, my mom brought me to a temple. I
kept sneezing because of the smoke from joss sticks. After our
third visit, I was pretty sure I didn't want to go anymore.
"Why do we have to go temple?" I asked my mom.
"You have to have a religion," she replied.
Suddenly I had a brillant idea. "Is there any religion where they
don't burn joss sticks?" I asked.
"Yes. Christianity. "
Thus began my journey in to Christianity. I attended Sunday school,
and as I got older, church service. I also went to a christian
school, and was a member of the Boy's Brigade. I still remember the
song:
And we will march on
In the power of His Glory
We'll be Sure and Steadfast
In the power of His Name
We'll be one in vision one in Christ
Together as a family
One in vision one in Christ
For all the world to see
I loved the bible stories about Moses, David and Goliath. They were
full of action and excitement. The moral lessons, I was not so sure
of. When I was young, I didn't really question them. As I got
older, things didn't seem quite right. I began to question but the
answer I got was usually, "God is beyond our understanding." Or,
"do you know better than God? Trust in Him."
I did not find that a satisfactory answer.
The turning point came when my Church ran a campaign to encourage
members to read the bible. The bible was promoted as the
"bestselling book of all time" and "the greatest book every
written". A book that was "clearly inspired by God" and the source
of the greatest lessons ever taught.
So I resolved to read the bible from cover to cover. From "In the
beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth..." to "He which
testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even
so, come, Lord Jesus."
With that first reading, I began to find troubling things. There
was much I did not understand. At the time, I was too young to
understand why I felt troubled. I just felt that a lot was wrong.
Throughout my primary school days, I read the bible 3 about 3-5
more times cover to cover. Each time, I found more inconsistencies.
Of course, I still read individual passages here and there, and
certain chapters when I went for bible study.
As I grew older, I began to understand logical fallacies. I started
to understand the reason why I felt things were not right. I
started to study apologetic arguments, as well as examined how
contradictions in the bible might be resolved.
When I got to college, exposure to the internet gave me access to
an almost limitless amount of information. I was able to do tons of
research about the origins of the bible, the history of
Christianity. I also studied evidence for miracles and how the
Church handled claims of miracles. I researched into texts like the
Dead Sea Scrolls and the Nag Hammadi library.
My Christian friends were horrified and saddened that I had fallen
away. They began to come up with all kinds of rationalizations.
Perhaps God has a plan for me, they suggested. Perhaps God has led
you down this path so that when you return to Christ, you will be
even stronger in your faith. They also argued that God gave me the
ability to reason, and would supply a reason to believe.
To help show me the reason to believe, they started giving me tons
of books. With each book, they felt that the arguments presented
were so convincing, that once I read them I would return to
God.
I read every single book because they were my friends and I knew
they cared about me. They spent their own money to get books for
me, spent time with me, paid for me to attend seminars. When they
felt they couldn't give good enough answers, they went and looked
for others whom they felt could give better answers. My friends
were never push or rude. They just cared about me and wanted me to
find salvation through Jesus Christ.
But with every book my lack of belief became stronger. 5 years ago,
I would have described myself as agnostic. Perhaps there is a god,
I thought. I just don't know anything about it. Now I describe
myself as an atheist. Although one cannot prove there is no God,
I'm satisfied that there is enough evidence to show that the
probability of God existing is so low, that it really doesn't
matter.
So that's where I am today. An atheist.