When we were younger, the word ‘sex’ always
felt taboo or dirty, so we used ‘it’ instead. In the context of a
relationship, it’s common for friends to pose the cryptic “Have you
done it?” question without further elaboration.
Among the Chinese-speaking crowd, sex was also
commonly alluded to by the equally vague ‘zuo na ge’ (‘do that
one’). Instead of ‘zuo ai’ (‘make love’), we preferred word and
mind games that didn’t risk us feeling embarrassed.
But as we grow older, ‘it’ has evolved to
‘sexy time’, a far more literal depiction that leaves little room
for second guessing its meaning. The latter is more commonly
referenced in hookup culture, but to be honest, sounds more
childish than raunchy.
In the event that we do discuss sex, it’s
never about the pleasure, the mechanics or the intimacy. Instead,
it remains this taboo subject, fit only for tabloid headlines or
bragging rights.
Here are the very Singaporean patterns we’ve
noticed in the way we talk about sex.
(Image credit: Wired/Getty Images)
1. We’ve gone from ‘Zuo Na Ge’ to
‘Did you fuck her?’
Typically masculine conversations about sex
often take one of two forms: “Did you get it?” or “Was it
good?”
Contrast this with women who tend to notice
the details. Take for instance this story from a friend who hooked
up with someone who was exceptionally sweaty. He was on top, the
sex wasn’t going great, and she’d started to tune out. But halfway
through her daydreaming, she was jolted back to the present when a
drop of his sweat landed squarely on her nose.
For men, it starts and ends at, “Yep, I fucked
her.” You don’t ever hear, “I feel really bad because I didn’t
manage to make her come.”
2. We’ve gone from ‘Zuo Ai’ to ‘Are you
planning to sleep with him?’
Unlike men, women often discuss having sex
with someone before it happens, sometimes to seek advice but mostly
just to share their thoughts and fears.
For women, the decision to get laid usually
involves considering nuances: what stage the relationship is at,
whether they think the guy will ghost them after, or if the risk of
getting emotionally attached is worth a one-night stand. Unlike
men, for whom every sex partner is often ‘another notch in the
belt’, all these factors influence a woman’s decision.
3. We still can’t say penis or vagina
When was the last time you heard someone say
the words ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’?
Outside of biology lessons, we’re culturally
uncomfortable with plainly talking about physical anatomy. So we
put our unique Singaporean spin on things.
Many have learnt to refer to big breasts as
‘tua neh bu’ (TNB) and penis as ‘ku ku jiao’ (KKJ) (this eventually
progressed to ‘lan jiao’ [LJ] once we hit secondary school), and
incorporate terms from other languages that don’t sound as vulgar.
One example is using Malay to refer to the ass as ‘pantat’ and
breasts as ‘tetek’.
We also use ‘dick’ a lot.
Suddenly sex doesn’t sound so serious and
intimate anymore, but instead takes on a humorous and less direct
approach.
(Image credit: Syzius/Shutterstock)
4. CIM, COF, BBBJ, FJ, AR, AJ
If you understood what any of these acronyms
mean, you’re likely familiar with typical sex forum lingo. For the
uninitiated, the above-mentioned stand for: cum in mouth, cum on
face, bare back blow job, fuck job, ass rimming and anal job.
It’s all about the male orgasm, rather than sex as
interactive and pleasurable for all parties involved — arguably the
result of sex ed’s failure to recognise female sexual autonomy.
Besides these acronyms, sex forums are replete with
Singaporeans who love dishing out sex tips. There are the fairly
decent (“Accept her for who she is, dude… Sex is not everything in
a relationship.”) and the crass ones (“Your wife neh neh big bo?
Intro me to your wife leh.”).
Then there are the suspiciously helpful (“If you find
that your bird-bird very small, consume Tongkat Ali.”).
Still, I suppose where sex ed fails, Sammyboy and
SgSexForum step in. One can only hope the young and genuinely
curious who seek legit advice take everything written there with a
bucket of salt.
5. ‘Housewife and Addicted to Sex’, ‘Seven Women on How
They Lost Their Virginity’, ‘10 Famous Makeout Spots in
Singapore’
In the media, most mentions of sex remain either
focused on procreation or scandalised and extreme.
Whether they are sex-related offences or kiss-and-tell
recounts in women’s magazines, these scandalous stories simply
exist on the flip side of the same coin as sanitised sex-ed. They
only perpetuate the existing culture of taboo surrounding sex.
We also often see listicles (tongue-in-cheek and
otherwise) documenting interesting spots to get frisky. Because
most of us don’t have our own place if we’re single, Singaporeans
have to resort to creative means to get laid. Besides, almost
every secondary school romance began in an HDB stairwell. For the
experimental and adventurous nowadays, there are also carparks,
cinemas, parks, beaches and public toilets.
These ideas are nothing new, but that they resurface
during any conversation about sex only goes to show that, even when
we want to talk about sex, we still do so indirectly.
So we might now have a wider vocabulary when talking
about sex, but these conversations aren’t necessarily more mature.
And essentially, it’s the shame and embarrassment underpinning all
this that makes it completely Singaporean.
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