by Love Coach Rinatta
In his research he discovered that a man will most likely cheat
if he feels unappreciated and unloved by his wife. This is
absolutely true and I have been telling clients that for years. The
reason anyone has an affair is because their needs are not getting
met in their primary relationship and most often, these needs are
emotional rather than physical.
At the same time, why are women not appreciating the men that
then end up cheating? In most cases it’s not because the wife is
simply a b-itch, but it’s because the man is behaving badly, is not
stepping up to the plate in the marriage, or is not being loving
and appreciative of her.
So it’s a vicious cycle. The man stops being as a good a partner
he once used to be, or the marriage becomes a family and the man
does not step up to his share of the responsibilities and being
there. The wife feels less appreciative and loving because she
feels less supported, cared for and loved. The man feels less
appreciated and eventually may go out and find a girlfriend to make
him feel better about himself.
This also applies to long term relationships that are not
marriages and also applies to women who end up cheating.
So how are you supposed to negotiate the murky waters of
relationships so as to avoid the devastation of cheating in your
relationship? I don’t yet know if The Truth About Cheating goes
into this, but here is my 4 step plan.
1. Appreciate what you husband/partner is doing for you, your
family, around you, regardless of what else he may not be doing.
This may be hard, but you would want it done for you, and it will
preserve the love in your marriage/relationship.
2. If there are things that bother you about what your partner
is doing or not doing, how he/she is treating you or not treating
you, ask for change in a loving, respectful way. Ask for change
repeatedly if it is important to you.
3. If you need to, get professional help as an individual or a
couple to try to help your partner make the changes necessary to
help you both be happier with each other. You may also need to make
changes to function better in your relationship.
4. If there are problems in your marriage or relationship,
things you have repeatedly asked him (or her) to change and the
change is not forthcoming, make a choice. Choose between:
(a) Make peace with your partner as he/she is because obviously
there is not going to be the change you want. That means you let go
of what you want completely and make peace with what is.
(b) Leave because you can not live with the
marriage/relationship and your partner the way things are and
obviously there is not going to be the change you want
Affairs happen when both partners can not make peace with how
things are, but can not leave. The non-cheating partner can not
make peace with how she is being treated and retaliates by trying
to make her husband feel bad about his unwillingness to change his
behavior.
And he does feel bad and can’t live with feeling bad. Instead of
encouraging change in him, feeling bad drives him into the arms of
another woman.
You may think it should not be this way, but it is.
That is why it is so important to pick a partner who can most
naturally give you what you want in a relationship, so that you do
not have to pull teeth to get your needs met. If you happen to be
single and you want to make sure that your next partner is highly
compatible with you, get my Who Do You
Need eCourse, which will help you figure out just whom you need
to be in a relationship with.
And secondarily, that is why it is so important to deal with
relationship problems and issues as soon as they occur, rather than
letting them fester and grow worst. I don’t yet know what tips this
affair book has for improving marriage, but I am sure they are
great. And if you want more good ideas that will work to improve
your marriage, take a look at three
ebooks I have crated for marriage improvement.
