DID I MARRY
THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She
said,
"How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It
depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered
"How
do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that
it's
weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love
with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked
their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.
In
fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You
didn't have to do anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love...
Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I
was
swept of my feet." Think about the Imagery of that expression.
It
implies that you were just standing there doing nothing, and
then
something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's
the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always
welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of
being
cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with
every
relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice
a
dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love
and
a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you
and/or
your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And
as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once
had,
you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is
when
marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside
their
marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all
shapes
and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people
turn to
work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive
substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside
your
marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall
in
love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel
better.
But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because
(listen
carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to
"make"
it, day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the
labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make
your
marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are
specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with
your
marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet
and
exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in
your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause
and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable...
You can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a
"decision"... Not just a feeling.
Very good article from u, I cldnt agree more.
But still, it takes BOTH parties to understand that theory to
make it work. Sad to say, not many couples realise that
simultaneously.
