What you say, What she says II
Society doesn't value the strong and silent type of man like the
good old days used to. Gone are the gruff, monosyllabic heroes who
only spoke six words a week and instead communicated with steely
eyes. Nowadays men are expected to talk -- talk about their day,
talk about their feelings, talk about the weather, talk, talk,
talk.
Unfortunately, a lot of men might have verbal communication
figured out when they're with their friends, but they are
completely lost when it comes to talking to, and being correctly
heard by, the women in their lives.
In Part I,
we introduced you to a few of the miscommunications that may come
up between you and your girlfriend and how to get through any rough
patches that might arise from her skewed version of your statement.
But there is much more educating to be done.
Keep reading for another dose of how she interprets what you
say, regardless of your innocent intent.
---
What she hears: "We are going to see strippers
and I will likely be talking to the guys about our
relationship."
Why she hears it: Just as men like to believe that
when women get together it always ends in underwear and pillow
fights, women assume that men-only nights will involve nudity and
girlfriend trashing.
What you should have said: Even though it feels
like checking in, let her know where you're really going and don't
divulge any of the things said on your night out; if you relay info
about a pal's woman, she'll wonder what you say about her when
she's not around. Just be honest with her, but don't feel like
you're checking in with mom either.
What she hears: "She won't sleep with
me…Yet."
Why she hears it: A lot of women don't believe
that men and women can be platonic in a long-term "friendship," and
feel that no man would strike up a new friendship with a woman
unless he is attracted to her.
What you should have said: If she really is just a
friend, introduce her to your girlfriend. This will let your woman
see that you've set boundaries by announcing your relationship
status, and she'll feel better having met the woman who spends time
alone with her man.
---
What she hears: "I feel guilty about something
and I am trying to distract you."
Why she hears it: After the initial stages of
dating, compliments tend to dwindle; out-of-the-blue comments are
going to have her wondering what you are trying to make up for. And
if you're not the kind of guy to throw around "I love yous" and
flattering comments, don't start suddenly or she'll be wary of your
intentions.
What you should have said: Either compliment her
consistently to avoid looking suspicious or talk to her about the
real problem you were hoping to avoid -- you know she'll find out
eventually anyway.
What she hears: "I am comparing you to my
mother, as I always do."
Why she hears it: Women are naturally competitive
in a lot of areas, and pleasing you is probably one of them.
Unfortunately, she knows she can't compete with the woman who
raised you, and by constantly bringing up the fact that you're
comparing her to your mother will only make the situation
worse.
What you should have said: No one will advise you
to stop talking about your mother, but be sure to avoid comparing
her to your girlfriend -- at all costs.
What she hears: "I'm checking up on you."
Why she hears it: For her entire life, she's
probably felt that getting a man to call is like pulling teeth. So,
for you to randomly call without a specific intent will have her
thinking that a checkup is the only possible explanation.
What you should have said: Always have a reason
for calling. Even if it's something small and pointless, having a
point to the conversation helps diffuse the checkup vibe -- even if
that really was your intention.
---
Language of Love
These are just a few more examples of how you might have started
your last fight with your girlfriend without even knowing what you
were doing wrong.
While you might think that just bothering to communicate with
her is enough, most of you will know better than to say whatever
comes to mind -- you have to consider all the ways she could twist
your words into something else or you could end up in more trouble
than you bargained for.
