Very interesting article on BGR, taken
from Straits Times 15 Jan 2007
THERE exists in folklore a concept that is
all at once desirable and yet undesirable, quite unlikely and yet
so tantalisingly plausible that – to this day – many cannot agree
on whether or not it exists.
The believers swear they have concrete proof that it does.
Cynics say believers are either being naive, lying to themselves,
or trying to serve some ulterior motive.
The concept I am speaking of is, of course, the Truly Platonic
Relationship – a relationship between a non-related man and a woman
that is born, bred and continues to live off ‘friend’ energy.
I’m talking about a man and a woman who call each other ‘best
friends’, who share their thoughts and feelings, and yet – this is
the important bit – have never had any sexual or romantic interest
in each other. Now, most women will wonder why this topic is even
up for debate.
Many will say: ‘Surely, this kind of thing is possible. Take
Jim, I’ve known him for years. We’re just friends. There is
NO WAY he has ever ever liked me.’
For men, it’s a little more complex.
The male stand – as far as I can tell – is: ‘There is no such
thing as a completely platonic relationship. You are better off
believing in alien abductions… but don’t let women know that.’
Like I said, complex.
Men don’t actually think that such a relationship is possible.
We kind of take it as a fairy tale we would like women to
believe.
For any good heterosexual friendship to blossom, guys need a
little romantic spark to get it off the ground.
A guy friend once said to me: ‘I don’t think I could ever become
very good friends with a woman I did not want to sleep with.’
While that may be taking male shallowness to another level, it’s
still in the same building.
To a lesser extent, a man’s friendship with a woman needs
attraction like a car engine needs a spark plug. Once the
friendship is going, it doesn’t really matter.
Without it, the friendship is doomed to stall somewhere around
the ‘friend you meet for dinner once every couple of months’
part.
Save for some very, very rare freaks of nature, this is true for
all men. And men know it too, even if they may be prepared to agree
that every other man in the universe is incapable of such a
relationship except themselves.
It’s one of those things that is so hard to admit.
Coming out and saying ‘Yes, men are incapable of having a
meaningful friendship with any woman they are not attracted to’
carries with it a host of painful ramifications for men. (Most of
which I’m sure I’m about to experience.)
It means admitting to a close female friend that, at some stage
through the years you’ve known her, you held a torch for her.
Even if it was a little torch, a man would rather have his eyes
gouged out than have to admit to that.
Probably one of the reasons he’s ‘just friends’ now is because
he couldn’t get up the courage to tell her in the first place. And
since the feeling is gone, darn if he’s going to tell her now.
Attached guys face a whole different set of problems. Letting on
that platonic relationships don’t exist essentially drops a bomb on
all the ‘innocent’ little outings you have had with old female
friends.
They can expect squeals of ‘I thought you said you didn’t like
her!’ or ‘I knew you used to like her!’ from the current
girlfriend.
No surprise, then, that men will do their very best to have
women believe that truly platonic relationships exist. Although, if
you look closely, men often let on their true beliefs.
I took a quick survey of my female friends and found rather
telling results. Of those who had men in their inner circle of
friends, all of them were at least somewhat attractive.
As for those who were less blessed in the looks department,
their closest friends consisted exclusively of women.
Another tell-tale sign is how men react to close male friends of
their girlfriends.
Most women see nothing wrong with them hanging out with a close
guy friend they’ve known for a long time.
Men see it as a big threat. They know the ‘friend’ had a thing,
or may still have a thing, for his girlfriend. In his mind, he
wouldn’t mind this ‘friend’ being involved in a freak cement truck
accident.
So there you have it. One facet of men’s linear and shallow
thinking laid bare. You can be sure, no matter how much some men
deny it, that it’s true.
