Divorce ? Think again .
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car
stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I
carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our
home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy
bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water. We had a
kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the
assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed
to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home
together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying
in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably
happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by
unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me
from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of
love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "You are
the kind of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly
reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said "Men
like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed
my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some
furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."
Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see
with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my
mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I
found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how
mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,
she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I
was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we
watched TV together or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualising Dew's body. This was the means of my
entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way. "Suppose we divorce,
what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a
word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far
away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got
to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost
all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to
hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some
hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in
her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me. "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we
live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any
more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got
something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open
my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to
divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be
much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm
serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her
angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me. "You are
not a man!" At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our
marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer,
because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a
pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me
would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I
had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I
had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed
to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw
her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke
up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep
again. She brought up her divorce conditions. She didn't want
anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time
before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life
as possible. Her reason was simple. Our son would finish his summer
vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage
broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me,
"He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on
the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those
wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember." "You
carried me in your arms." She continued, "So, I have a requirement,
that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.
From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the
bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew
she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a
romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly
and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has
to face the result of divorce." She said scornfully. Her words more
or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a
stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom
to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters
with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly. "Let us start from today,
don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her
down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realised that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more.
There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my
arms. The visualisation of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such
as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even
stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout
made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry
you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her
out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then
she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I
suddenly realised that it was because she was thinner that I could
carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I
felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch
her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry
mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to
come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was
afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my
arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the
hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held
her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her
much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you
will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and
said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such
intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was
afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she
touched my forehead, "You got no fever." I moved her hand off my
head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say sorry to you. I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value
the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any
more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she
gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.
So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for
my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write
the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry you
out every morning until we are old."
