"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you,
you are meant to be together. If not, it was never meant to
be."
Excessive Possessiveness can be a psychological illness. The below
article is a bit long but I find it helpful.
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Whilst unconditional love freely flows inside out, conditional love
sets its terms and is directed inwardly.
Conditional love sends out messages like this:
"I have done so much for you, so now you should do this for
me."
"I need your attention, your sympathy, your consent, your time,
your presence, your love."
"I want you to live your life according to my beliefs and
ideas."
"I need you to need me, and to look after me exactly the way I have
in mind."
"And if you dont do that, I will fall ill or become very
unhappy."
This kind of relationship is psychologically suffocating, and can
be even physically suffocating, for the person(s) it concerns. It
does not allow personal space to the other one. The path the other
one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the
sake of someones egocentric purposes.
Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person
dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation.
Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss,
especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing
self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a
great example of compensation.
Since claiming people cannot accept to be connected with the great
inner source of love through the heart, and since they cannot
understand that they were born okay, they need affirmation,
confirmation and domination over the persons in their near
surroundings. They want you to listen patiently to twenty times
their story and accept that theres no interest in one time your
story.
They need you to agree with their viewpoint and to act in
accordance with their moral ideas about life. They will hold on
tightly to present relationships, and show great difficulty if a
child tries to break free in living its own adult life or marrying
a partner. They can lay strong demands on you taking care of their
health even daily, no matter if you have your own family to look
after. They may obtrude their help upon you, in return for your
time and gratitude. And it will never be enough.
Unfortunately in everyday life the same thing happens. They are
constricting and critizising in their efforts to be the center of
attention, that it leads to what they fear mostly: loss of
relationships.
I think social and gentle persons are foremost prone to fall victim
to the above described emotional vampires. Especially if you are a
child or partner of such a person, it wont be easy to live your
own life. They may use subtle manipulation methods that speak to
your heart: their willingness to help you, support you financially,
their loneliness after having lost their partner, their worries
about your well-being, their dependence on you, they could use ill
health to draw your attention, or give hints and advices.
Please dont get me wrong: to a certain extend all these things
belong to a normal relationship, but in a possessive one they are
used to make you do what they want, to exercise power with velvet
gloves. And if you dare to act independent, they will let you know
with great self-pity or anger that you misbehave, and that you are
their source of unhappiness. Of course conjuring up feelings of
guilt is a mighty weapon to fight your spiritual freedom and
progress.
So what to do? It is important to understand the psychology of the
situation.
Please know that, no matter how loving you wish to be, you cant
live somebody elses life. It is your responsibility to do
something useful with the gift of your life, and your level of
happiness will let you know in as far you are aligned with your
heart.
Unhappiness, illness and energy drains will show you that something
is wrong. No one besides you can find your aim for this life.
Calmly but persistently insist on your personal space.
Saying No to a loved one does not mean that you have stopped loving
that person.
The possessive person needs to learn that relationships flower in
love and freedom, not in imposed dutifulness.
Love is happily giving without thinking about receiving, and not
trading tit for tat.
Someone else can never meet ones expectations, therefore please
learn to let things and people be.
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~CloneMe~
It won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.
