The Surrogate Father
The Lims had no children and decided to use a surrogate father to
start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive,
Mr. Lim kissed his wife and said,
''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come
to....''
''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Lim cut
in.
''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies.''
''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Lim, blushing.
''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''
''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me.''
''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But
if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''
''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs.
Lim.
''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure.''
''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Lim exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures.
''This was done on the top of a bus at Orchard.''
''Oh my god!' Mrs. Lim exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with.''
The photographer handed Mrs. Lim the picture.
''She was difficult?'' asked Mrs. Lim.
''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Botanical
Gardens to get the job done right. People were crowding around four
and five deep, pushing to get a good look.''
''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Lim, eyes widened in
amazement.
''Yes,'' the photographer said.
''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all
in.''
Mrs. Lim leaned forward.
''You mean they actually chewed on your
eh... equipment?''
''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work.''
Tripod? Mrs. Lim looked extremely worried now.
''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam?
Madam... Good Lord, she's fainted!''
