Something funny about organizing Christmas party in the
office...
.... start at the top and read all the e-mails ....
=====================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on
December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open
Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to
sing along. And, don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among
Employees
can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will
be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your
family.
Patty
===========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at
this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols
sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment. Happy
now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
===========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table.... You didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads
"AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchanges are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
ALLOWED.
Patty
============================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can
hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party. The days
are so short this time of year-or else package everything for take
home in little foil swans.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table
closest
to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to
sit with Gay men, each will have their own table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing
allowed, though, we will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food thus we suggest for those people
with blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as
dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply " No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
===========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people!
Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa
Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan"
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
It's a tradition, folks,
like sugar shock at Halloween, or family feuds over the
thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we
lighten up? Please?????????
Also, the company has changed their mind in announcing the special
announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the
mail sent
to your home.
Patty
===========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*#*&^@*^&^@*^Holiday Party
I have no #&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What
the #&^[email protected] do
I care...? I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change
your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of
address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change
your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the
warehouse!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or
not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the " grill
of death, " as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your @
#$^&*! salad bar. INCLUDING hydroponic tomatoes.
But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you
slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!
HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
============================================
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay.
Happy Holidays!
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